waffle snob

Guidette Tax Form

2012-01-24T19:59:00.000-05:00

EZ FORM - Doc # 6U1D3773

Individual Tax Form

GuiD. Oh, Governor

Please return form along with any applicable taxpaperwork. If the documentation necessary to reconstruct the values presentedon this form was not maintained properly please submit a sufficientrepresentation of your purchases and exemptions through form TwitFa, the formused to generate a comprehensive summary of activities through an investigativeanalysis of social media updates.

Pleaseprint or type in indelible ink.

Name (Last, First) ____________________________________________________________

Address___________________________________________________________________

Iffiling a joint return please clearly identify your relationship and theidentity of the other person. Please notethis will also be included on the e-filing system and will be included inany/all relationship background checks as requested by potential suitors.

Name_____________________________ Relationship___________________________

Anyknown relationship complications/disputes/STDs ___________________________________

Income Wages,Salaries, Tips $__________________________

Misc.Income from Sugar Daddy / Mama $__________________________

Amount saved from drinks received for free $__________________________

Taxed SnookiTax $__________________________

BotoxPlan $__________________________

TanningTax $__________________________

BouncerTax $__________________________

Exemptions BlowoutMaintenance $___________________________

TanningTax Break $___________________________

CabFares $___________________________

Pleasecalculate the total taxes spent. If this is more than your body weight, pleasesubtract the difference and that is your refund. If it is less than your bodyweight, please use the following calculation to determine how much you owe.

[Body weight –taxes paid]*[amount you can bench press] = amount owed

Wouldyou like to donate a portion of your refund to the endangered leopard printclothing fund? Y [ ] N [ ] $____________

Wouldyou like to donate a portion of your refund to fund the free Taxis on Tuesdaysorganization? Y [] N [ ] $____________

Pleasesign that all information is true to your accurate memory.

_________________________________________________Date (MM/DD/YYYY) _________________________

Pleasehave one additional person, one who witnesses your activities and may reliablyvouch for you, review the following:

To myknowledge, this form accurately displays the total drinks received and expensesotherwise required to establish and maintain a guido/guidette lifestyle. Y [ ] N [ ]

Signature:_________________________________________ Date (MM/DD/YYYY)__________________________

A Really Cool Gift Idea

2012-01-22T14:20:00.000-05:00

Unionville Vineyards is offering almost a stockholder share in their vineyard - for staggered prices you can buy vines and 'adopt' some of the grapes. Your name will be posted at the site of your vines, you can picnic beside them, and you'll even get a bottle of their plentiful juice when it's made in the fall. Neato mosquito!

The Internet is on Strike

2012-01-18T18:49:00.001-05:00

This post presents SOPA by displaying images of responses from Google and Wikipedia during the blackout day (today), and The White House's comments [below]:

"We must avoid creating new cybersecurity risks or disrupting the underlying architecture of the Internet...

Let us be clear—online piracy is a real problem that harms the American economy, threatens jobs for significant numbers of middle class workers and hurts some of our nation's most creative and innovative companies and entrepreneurs. It harms everyone from struggling artists to production crews, and from startup social media companies to large movie studios. While we are strongly committed to the vigorous enforcement of intellectual property rights, existing tools are not strong enough to root out the worst online pirates beyond our borders. That is why the Administration calls on all sides to work together to pass sound legislation this year that provides prosecutors and rights holders new legal tools to combat online piracy originating beyond U.S. borders while staying true to the principles outlined above in this response. We should never let criminals hide behind a hollow embrace of legitimate American values.

This is not just a matter for legislation. We expect and encourage all private parties, including both content creators and Internet platform providers working together, to adopt voluntary measures and best practices to reduce online piracy."

Thirsty Brewing Company, Pittsburgh, PA

2012-01-14T14:40:00.000-05:00

Introducing
Thirsty Brewing Company's first beverage: Holy Pale Grail

My brother's first homebrew. The pale ale is being bottled today.

Focus Pocus

2012-01-13T14:22:00.000-05:00

Could really use a healthy dose of focus today. Perhaps it'll be up next in the Waffle Snob product line. Happy Friday the 13th, hooligans!

Foggy Thursday

2012-01-12T22:00:00.002-05:00

It's not often that I can sit back and feel that everything I have wanted to get accomplished - for right now anyway - is done. I feel exhausted but in a really good way; the kind you usually only get after a really satisfying meal with all of the right people. Even my dishes are done and my nails are filed. There is certainly a satisfaction in checking things off of a To-Do list, but on top of that, the feeling of success on other fronts as well.

On the other hand I'm entirely too superstitious for a
full moon on the same week as a
friday the thirteenth which oddly enough is welcomed
by a whole lot of fog
in
New Jersey.

Good night.

The Express Lane

2012-01-09T21:13:00.000-05:00

If you have more than ten items in the express lane you should be charged a $1 penalty fee per item that is then donated to charity.

And yes I count each one of those individual grapes as an individual item.

Just kidding. Sort of.

wine & cupcake camp

2012-01-07T20:34:00.000-05:00

The Duquesne Incline

2012-01-04T19:33:00.000-05:00

JLo has been requesting we ride the incline for awhile, so we finally did it over our holiday trip to Pittsburgh. It's been years since I've been on it - honestly, I can't even remember the last time. Too bad it was a gloomy day, but we did hear the crowd cheering for the Steelers from Heinz Field.

two-thousand-eleVOM

2011-12-29T21:09:00.000-05:00

Click any photo for the corresponding blog post.

Happy2012
Up next, commercial free

New Truck

2011-12-28T18:19:00.000-05:00

It's not mine. To protect the innocent it's 'someone I know'. Look at this bugger!!! No heat or A/C. Can only imagine the gas mileage.

Home for the Holidays

2011-12-27T14:39:00.002-05:00

Pittsburgh Popcorn - Leaf & Bean - Hofbrauhaus

Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night!

2011-12-25T23:45:00.000-05:00

The Place For Smiles

2011-12-23T13:00:00.000-05:00

Sugar cookies second only to my grandmother's. Smile is incessant (unless, of course, it's eaten). All you can drink refills means conversations only seen in the movies until 3am, and memories of high school.

Just in case you need a smile today. Go treat yourself.

Happy Holidays.

Postman Wisdom

2011-12-21T20:04:00.003-05:00

Things I learned from the man who works for the post office. He told me this while I was waiting for my car to get fixed. He also was waiting for his car to get fixed.

1. Dogs have a thing for people wearing blue. If you're wearing blue it really irritates them. That's why they dislike postmen so much.
2. You can't wear sunglasses if you're a mailman. Dogs see their reflection in the lens and they think you're a dog so they attack. Plus if you're wearing blue it's a double whammy.
3. Once, he punted a dog for attacking.
4. Instead of waiting for your car you can go to the bar across the street. You'll probably need a ride home though. Last time he was here getting an oil change he went to the bar across the street and had a few too many. Then, he needed a ride home. This time he decided not to go to the bar.
5. It sucks to deliver mail in the snow. Usually you can walk through yards as shortcuts. When it's snowing you can't. You have to go the whole way around the sidewalk. "It's up to your knees sometimes!" He said.
6. The only radio station he gets in his mail truck is rap.
7. All of his current car problems were covered under his warranty.

Happy Holidays postman. I will not be giving you my address. I will be wary about wearing sunglasses near dogs in the future.

I'm Looking Forward to our Rematch, Mr. Snowman

2011-12-18T09:30:00.000-05:00

An oldie but a goodie.

The Awkward Moustache Spreads Through Legal Issues

2011-12-15T18:27:00.000-05:00

I was selected to be a juror last week. In the jury room, we talked about pretty much anything and everything except the trial (because you are not allowed to talk about the trial).

So I say, "Has anyone heard of the awkward moustache?"

And they say, "No."

So I explain the story of the awkward moustache. How Chloe would do it in college. So they laugh.

One juror, later, did it during a game of UNO (during another break).

One juror, liked it so much, that she told her husband about it. They now awkward moustache at home. They also plan to use it as a secret code at parties.

And so, awareness for the awkward moustache spreads.

I spent the whole week in Trenton. By daylight, you can walk around the streets and be safe. Cute cafes and shops are all around. So sad that it's so unsafe at night. What an eclectic community it could be.

From my Instagram:

college memories

2011-12-14T01:37:00.000-05:00

In honor of my brother, who is going through finals week.

Twas the night before exam week,
and all through the dorms,
not a student was studying,
(this was usually the norm).
Kegs in the kitchen,
jello shots in the hall--
thanks to the liquor,
it was a late night for all.
Passed out all around,
the kids all slept tight.
When they woke up the next day,
they thought, 'Man, whatta night!'
"We are too hung-over to study," they shouted with cheer.
"So forget the exams and bring on the beer!"

Brett Keisel = Yukon Cornelius

2011-12-13T14:43:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays! (Click on the photo if you want to see the original source)

Awkin' Around the Christmas Tree

2011-12-11T15:10:00.001-05:00

Jessica, who received a card from the awkward tree line (see the previous post), found these nice buggers. Seems like we can now engineer an awkward christmas tree to make the card a reality. And then we can subsequently release our greatest hits album (Awkin' Around the Christmas Tree, and a collaboration featuring Chloe's version of OHHHH Christmas Tree).

It appears the holidays have gone to my head. Too much eggnog.

And on that note, who knew Southern Comfort made eggnog??? That sounds dangerous.

Homemade Holiday Cards

2011-12-10T03:30:00.000-05:00

Only for the naughty list. If you're on the nice list, better luck next year on getting a unique, hand crafted card.

Most of the cards were part of a series (meaning a couple people may have gotten similar designs, with a bit of personalization), others were a slightly different. Below are a few examples - but, there were a bunch of other designs too. I'm pretty proud of myself. Not bad for a chemistry major, ehh? Ehh??!

So, FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, and Happy Holidays one and all!

Get Excited - A Sneak Preview of the Homemade Holiday Cards

2011-12-08T08:07:00.001-05:00

I decided to home make my holiday cards this year. They're unbelievably tacky, but I'm still quite proud. Each comes with a festive holiday stamp on the back of the envelope (could be one of fifteen different holiday stamp designs).

And that's all for today. More of the series to be posted tomorrow (when people have received their holiday cards - wouldn't want to spoil the fun!).

SOO glad this process is finished though. Sheesh. It's fun and festive, but very time-consuming.

27 is not too old for a surprise party

2011-12-07T07:57:00.001-05:00

And a surprise party at a bowling alley, nonetheless. We had both the casual lanes (bowled <100) and the adult league ( >100). I happily was a casual bowler. When I was younger I would say, if my average bowling score reflects my life span, I don't have long to go. I really am that awful. Surprisingly enough, I have had a miraculous improvement without practice -- I never once got a gutter ball in both the first and second ball of one turn (no Dad - we didn't have the bumpers up. But we did contemplate it). I even got one strike and a couple of spares. Success! Happy Birthday, Liz!

House Balls & Brews (a bar with 60 beers on tap after bowling! Fantastic! Photo on the right taken by Ms. Allie)

Light Up Night

2011-12-04T18:19:00.001-05:00

I SPY
Troy Polamalu

This afternoon JLo and I visited my favorite Christmas Tree farm in New Jersey. It's a nice little place that includes a greenhouse and an old shack that is filled with exciting goodies. A man dressed as a penguin was walking around between the trees, greeting the kids. The inside of the shack was decked from head to toe with knick knacks, glitter, ornaments, and holiday delight. I love browsing all of the unique items they have in there. No two things are identical. It's heavenly.

We selected the tree. Winter air breezed through the car on the ride home; the windows were down so the tree could hang out of it. This year it only took two tries to get the alignment straight in the stand. Mr. Tree Farm dude advised we chop up aspirin and mix it in the water used for the tree. Interesting - I'd always heard sugar was the way to go?

Some sort of Christmas miracle happened and all of my strings of lights work. My tree is now happily glowing and filling my apartment with cheer and delicious scents of of pine and cider. Happy Holidays!

December Calendar at Work

2011-12-02T20:20:00.001-05:00

Beware, he launches. Angry Bird is December 2011.

walking in a waffle wonderland

2011-12-01T22:36:00.001-05:00

It's been awhile since I've posted and although I have nothing to say I felt like posting something. In exciting news I won an app from Mr. 1WineDude himself. In more exciting news, I have started Christmas shopping! And in the most exciting news, I have all of the supplies for homemade Christmas cards this year. Very ancy for those, and for anyone on my mailing list, you should be too.

December. Let's hope 12/11 > 11/11 both mathematically and calender-ally, as November officially proved itself to be a wretched month this year.

Happy Holidays! The most Christmas-y bar I know.

Burgatory

2011-11-27T20:27:00.001-05:00

Sinfully good... From the same city that brings you incredible impieties such as the Church Brew Works and the Altar Bar comes the new burger joint Burgatory. Burgatory opened up just outside of Pittsburgh and serves you custom-made sandwiches stuck up with pitchforks and such good craft beers your hangover will be positively hellatious (because, frankly, you'll want to to try them all). For months I've been seeing friends reviews on Facebook and I was drooling. While out galavanting during Thanksgiving, I finally got to experience the sinfulness firsthand.

The place is a bit compact (there's always a wait) but has a nice atmosphere. There's a good variety of burger toppings and combos, and as aforementioned, the tap and bottled list was respectable. For the non-alcoholic scene there are milkshakes, but they'll run you about six bucks (Pulp Fiction anyone? The five dollar shake?). As usual- I'm jealous of myself circa 24 hours ago (although maybe I'd try to nix the last few brews I had for the sake of my six hour ride back to NJ).

The best part was the build your own (and name it) burger. I fondly titled my veggie burger 'The Paris Hilton of Pittsburgh'. When it was served I was told they've seen "a lot of unique names, but never that one". Success!

Korean BBQ Birthday

2011-11-22T23:40:00.001-05:00

The JLo family took me out the local Korean Barbeque joint this weekend as a late birthday celebration. Of course I was ecstatic - although a bit pricey, Korean BBQ is exceptionally tasty and very unique. The main meat, bulgogi (beef), is prepared on a charcoal grill right in front of you. It's not quite like the Japanese hibachi, but a little bit similar. You then take the cooked meat and place it on a giant leaf of lettuce along with a purple rice with beans, sauce, and any of the multitude of vegetables that are placed in front of you. The leaf is then rolled like a burrito and you nosh. It's incredible.

In addition to the lettuce burrito there are more side dishes than we can ever finish. I'm not sure entirely what everything is but there were turnips, kimchi, pajori (a green onion salad with almost a wasabi/soy-esque dressing), a lettuce salad with a spicy sauce, vegetable patties, a fish, and a huge soup with dumplings, rice patties, and noodles - all of which I enjoyed immensely. Deliciousness.

And for the record, Thank-You in Korean is 감사합니다 (pronounced kam-sah-am-ni-da). Be nice to your waitress when you test it out.

Mystery

2011-11-20T10:47:00.001-05:00

Hello From Wildwood, N.J.

Where is Q?

Q is a bit of a, well in polite terms, hooligan, who sends mail that it slightly disturbing and throws you off skelter. Once I received a decaying tooth in the mail. Q is also the one who sent the recent voting sober advertisement. I had suspected Q was behind the glowsticks, but alas that was my Aunt Lynne. No one knows who Q is. It's a mystery.

This is the most recent installment of Q. (S)he/it is getting unsettlingly closer.

T2: The New Troegs

2011-11-19T18:21:00.001-05:00

Troegs Co-Workers Only. Please Don't Bother the Beer.

JLo and I had tossed around the idea of visiting the much loved Dogfish Head Brewery in Delaware for my birthday weekend. But after Dad reminded me about the recent opening of the new Troegs brewery in Hershey, and subsequently mentioned he'd be willing to go too, our decision was made for us.

If you recall, on my Summer 2011 to-do list was visiting the Troegs Brewery. I'd never been there before and prior to the trip I had not known they were in the works of creating a whole new brewery in Hershey, PA. And no better could our timing have been - the old brewery is now closed. JLo and I made it just in the nick of time.

The new brewery is pretty cool. Very big, very clean, lots on tap and even a few basic food selections. Brownies made from beer? Yes, please! Pretzels? Of course! And you can even add organic vanilla ice cream to your beer to make a beer float. Thanks Alex for buying that one for me!

Also available is a self-guided tour of the brewery. You are separated from the actual brewing merely by glass. It's like walking through a factory where you observe the process as it is taking place (hence, the notice on the door). Very cool.

(Beer glasses) Not a bad shot for the new iPhone! Nice digs!

Beer Bulb

2011-11-18T19:05:00.000-05:00

When a lightbulb goes off over your head it means you have a great idea while sober.

When a beerbulb goes off over your head it means you have a great* idea while drunk
*great ideas while drunk do not always = great ideas while sober. Not commutative.

Team Pumpkin

2011-11-17T22:12:00.001-05:00

1 Week From T-Giv
1 Hour from Twilight Release
Dividing families, dividing friendships
It's time for you to choose your alliance

Team Pumpkin vs Team Apple
Their paths cannot cross.

Handvo

2011-11-16T18:34:00.001-05:00

My coworker made me a dish for my birthday. It's called Handvo and it is authentic from the region she is from in India. Superdelish.

And So I Discover Instagram

2011-11-14T20:35:00.001-05:00

Facebook relationship with my iPhone. And for the record, I won. And all I started out with was the slums and some boxed wine... Finished up with some French Bordeaux and the whole board.

Did you vote this year?

2011-11-12T09:23:00.001-05:00

Snail mailed to me by an "anonymous" fan. Haha.

Fall in New Jersey

2011-11-06T16:21:00.000-05:00

Testing out my new iPhone (!!!! thanks boyfriend!) while out & about today. Welcome, iPhone, to my luxurious world of photographing, traveling, and drinking magnificently. So glad to have you as my sidekick. And don't forget about Scrabble-ing with MM.

The Awkward Chicken

2011-11-04T23:07:00.000-04:00

Behold Baawk, the Awkward Chicken. Inspired by my Aunt Jul.

Not to be confused with the Auk, which is a bird that is Aukward by name. Baawk is awkward by choice.

See also the awkward mustache (moustache?). As it is Movember, it is better to have awkward moustaches than no moustaches.

Just Ta-ap It In

2011-11-03T20:48:00.001-04:00

Happy Gilmore has a stint where he's a construction worker. He accidentally hits his boss, Mr. Larson, in the head, with a nail gun. Mr. Larson survives and walks around with the nail for some time until he has it removed.

After a few days of constant tire pressure decrease I took my tire to the tire doc. I learned that my tire, too, was embedded with a nail. The nail was removed and the tire was repaired.

By commutative property it is therefore proved that my tire is on the same caliber of toughness (albeit hopefully not insanity) as Mr. Larson. Six degrees of separation indeed.

Dracula Voice

2011-10-31T17:55:00.000-04:00

Dracula Voice
A Refresher Training

Dracula Voice, noun. A voice you use when participating in vampire events* and/or celebrating Halloween Holidays.

*Vampire events = Bram Stoker. Vampire events do not = Stephenie Meyer.

Guidelines:
Ws = Vs (what = vat)
Th = ignore the H (three = tree)
Roll the Rs (Drinking = drrrinking)
Laugh like the count on Sesame Street (Bev: So I said, have some cheese with that whine! Dracula: A ha ha!)

Quick Handbook:
Common pickup lines: Vat are you drrrinking?
When asked to count things (ex, trees in the forest): Van, tvu, tree, a ha ha!**
**It is appropriate to laugh, a ha ha, in otherwise awkward places.
Beverages are sold in terms of blood alcohol content, that is, you can order a pint of blood (O, A, B, AB, all either + or -) at varying degrees of blood alcohol levels.

Practice Problems: How would you handle this situation?
Bartender at Vampire Bar: Vat are your drrrinking?
Carinneicula: A pint of the AB+ on tap, please.
Bartender at Vampire Bar: How many?
Carinneicula: Van -- err, tvu -- er, tree. A ha ha.

Mouse ears at work.

Happy Birthday Nate!

2011-10-30T13:20:00.000-04:00

Eighteen years of epic messes from my younger brother.

a post like the rest of the east coast

2011-10-29T16:54:00.000-04:00

It's snowing. It's October. It's beautiful. Cheers.

Happy Friday

2011-10-28T06:47:00.000-04:00

Paper hole punches like confetti, poppin' staples like it's champagne...

Things I Learned Today

2011-10-26T20:08:00.000-04:00

Women in their 70s put Brazilian Waxes on their bucket list.

This post is to be followed up in year 2055.

Olives & Pittsburgh

2011-10-25T18:14:00.000-04:00

And so I experiment and so I learn that I do indeed like olives in the US also. And there was much rejoicing.

And so I am working through Mark Oldman's Brave New World of Wine by trying new wines and new foods to go with them. On Saturday I endeavored through a bottle of Boutari Moschofilero ($9!) along with garlic olives, a chesapeake roll (crab+avocado+old bay sushi), and some jalapeno hummus. Delightful.

And so, lastly, Pittsburgh was added to National Geographic's Best Trips 2012. Truly, I feel that Pittsburgh is the "which one of these is not like the other?". A beautiful and fantastic city for sure, but when you look at the contenders - Croatia, or the Virunga Volcanoes, for some - it is a wonder how this city made the final cut. And not only did it make the final cut, but it's one of only two cities from the US. Regardless, bravo!, and I will have an Iron City in honor of my hometown.

State Mammal

2011-10-24T23:26:00.000-04:00

"I thought the NJ State Mammal was Snooki, but maybe it's this thing." Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the never-ending wisdom of Tyler. Haha.

Found in France

2011-10-23T00:05:00.000-04:00

On a post in Nice, France. Someone (who?) "taking a poop" on a white house porcelain bowl and using the American Flag as toilet paper. The bottom scrawls a website:

http://www.egaliteetreconciliation.fr/

Although only I looked at the website some, and haltingly with a website translation service, I do not think this group is anti-American. They are just activists for change in general. I didn't see this picture on the site at all, though. I wish I knew the story behind it.

Crazy Couch Lady

2011-10-22T09:52:00.002-04:00

Work is raffling off one of the reception area couches.

Now my thought is, my couch is fairly gross. I'm wondering if I should enter in the raffle - or if that would reflect poorly on me. Or if the available couch is more skank than the one I have. I don't ever see anyone sitting on it. It's a reception couch... It doesn't get used that much... Right?

I have this irrational fear, though, that I'll become this repository for old couches. Couchland. That they'll accumulate and multiply in awkward shapes, sizes and hideous crossbred patterns, until they run over my apartment.

I mean, what does one even do with a couch they don't want anymore? Or are there constant couch raffles going on?

München, Germany

2011-10-21T07:08:00.000-04:00

I don't know if it was my extreme exhaustion or if the railroad was just a lullaby, but I slept wonderfully on the train. Eleven hours flew by like nothing and the next thing I knew we would be arriving in München in ten minutes.

Munich (München) had lockers. We stored all of our stuff and headed outside.

It was a chilly day, but Munich is beautiful. We toured the city and expected it to stop being so charming but it never did. We got breakfast, shopped, and had a few beers at the Augustiner brewery (which starts serving alcohol at 9am). We learned the hard way what a Radler is - beer plus lemon soda. Blech.

Jonaid bought a beer stein, and we headed back to Frankfurt to catch our plane home. Auf Wiedersehen.

And that is a wrap.

Bier, vin, assiette, alkoholfrei

2011-10-20T17:58:00.000-04:00

Turns out, I don't like olives in the US but I like them in France. One place had them pitted and stuffed with garlic - delicious. Another was drizzled in something but otherwise plain - I was loving them.

In Germany you can't spend money on beer. I tried. I bought friends beers and shots. My bar tab - lunch and an afternoon of drinks included - was 13euros. In France - the wine is splendid. You don't have to spend a lot to be very impressed.

And I don't quite understand the flourescent Perrier - glasses are filled about an inch with a vibrant liquid (alcoholic? non?) and the rest of the glass with Perrier. No idea what those are. But here are some of the snapshots not previously posted on the blog.

Paris, France

2011-10-20T06:18:00.000-04:00

Oddly fitting that I'd find this eerie video of a flooded, abandoned Paris as I'm writing this. Although the cause is unclear, the movie has a chill to it. Citing sources - found here.

Before sunrise we left for Paris (Pahree), France. As it was one of the first trains back up and running it was packed. Every seat was taken, some with standing room only.

On this train there was serious resentment between passengers and I realized how much of that I'd seen in France. To me, I've heard the French stereotype of snobbishness and being harsh. I had thought that it was only to tourists but I realized they are equally that way to one another.

We arrived in Paris. We only had a few hours to stay there as we had booked an overnight train to Munich. Our overnight train was leaving from a different station that we arrived in, a station across town, meaning we had to carry our luggage with us all day. And so that started off Paris.

We stopped in a tourist office to ask for directions to the Eiffel Tower. The woman was so vague we had to go back and ask again. And even after doing that, it still took us two hours to get to the tower.

Frustrated, we finally arrived at the subway that would take us to the Eiffel tower. The subway was one block from our arrival train station, and the subway ride to Eiffel was about ten minutes. One block, ten minutes - it took us two hours. As we boarded the subway, Jonaid dropped his suit on the tracks. My heart stopped as he dove after it.

"It's an expensive suit!" He exclaimed. I just looked at him.

We arrived at the tower and it was magnificent - stunning - I couldn't believe I was really there. The lawn in front of it was unfortunately closed so we didn't get to sit on the grass. Also, we wanted to go up the tower, but with all of our luggage it was simply impossible. So we got crepes and enjoyed it from below.

At that point we were tired of carrying around our luggage and it taking a ridiculous amount of time to get anywhere, so we headed to our next train station. We stopped for dinner on the street and sat, took our time, and watched Paris go by. I had a delightful French Pinot Noir.

We didn't see much of Paris. Our frustration and luggage held us back. I hope to give it another chance in the future.

We boarded the night train with cabins and bunk beds so small it was like we were on the Titanic. We waved au revoir, opened the windows, and watched as Paris became far away.

So Many Train Stations

2011-10-19T17:30:00.004-04:00

Nice, France (pt. 2)

2011-10-19T06:26:00.000-04:00

After getting settled in the hotel we headed to the pebble beach and touched the Mediterranean. On the water you can get wine bottle service - six glasses for 10 Euros. Best deal on the block and the wine was fantastic. For a few Euros more you could pick wines from nearby regions - Loire Valley, Bordeaux - all at prices that were unreal to me.

By the way - some places in France served their red wine cold. Any ideas why?

Because it was Sunday when we arrived nearly everything was closed. A small stand next to our hotel was open and I asked if I could purchase a glass of wine. She sold me the whole bottle for 4euros - and opened it for us too. I was expecting Boone's Farm but it turned out very tasty. I'd open the window and would enjoy the city and my wine.

Wifi was only in the lobby so I'd also bring the bottle down there as we'd check our email. As we'd sit there, the two main employees, a man and a woman, would chat with us. They were incredibly entertaining and were full of antics. I'm not sure what the woman's story was, but the man was a retired steel industry worker. JLo ordered pizza one night and we brought it to the lobby, offering some to the male. He replied, "My wife would kill me, but I do wish I could eat some." He was flattered at our gesture.

The room next to us was occupied by a female patron who would crack open her door and watch as we'd come and go. We would look up at her staring at us and she'd hawhaw and shut the door like she wasn't watching us. One day, I saw her walking around the city. She waved at me like we were old friends. I learned the male employee did not like her and was ready for her to go.

On Monday we went to make reservations for the train. Although we had the rail pass, some trains you still need to reserve a seat for. The man at the kiosk told us the trains were suspended because of a stabbing. The conductors went on strike. We booked a later trip to Paris, and shrugged it off. Woe is us, spending more time at the French Riviera. We hiked back to Hotel de la Buffa, told them we'd be staying. The man grinned and booked us for another night.

The rest of the time in Nice we spent eating baguettes (0.25 euros!!), eclairs, raspberry tarts, and drinking wine. We sat on the beach where clothing was optional and went in the water. We went from the snowy Alps to the sunny beach in merely one train ride. Incredible.

That night, a group of sixteen from Texas joined the hotel. We chatted with them in the lobby. Later, they saw us walking around. "Hey New Jersey!" they yelled down the street. "Hey Texas!" We hollered back.

I think us getting "stranded" in the Riviera was a blessing in disguise. So much of our trip was running from one place to the next that being forced to just "be" was appreciated. The best parts of our journey was in Germany and in Nice where we made friends, became acquainted with our surroundings, and got to enjoy the community, not just the tourism.

A full moon over the Mediterranean - what luck!

Nice, France

2011-10-18T21:07:00.000-04:00

We left Switzerland somewhat earlier than anticipated. We had planned on spending the night there, but after it being so expensive ($2 to use the bathroom!) and general unfriendliness of the locals, we decided to head to France. Exhausted and drenched due to the pouring rain, we made it to Lyon, France around 10pm.

We were beat. We stayed at the nearest hotel we could find - about 10 yards from the train station at the Novotel. Our priciest stay during our trip, but we were warm, comfortable, had hot tea, and wifi. Life was good.

Waking up next to the train station proved to be no help for us to make the trains on time. On Saturday we missed the train to Switzerland due to Jonaid's long shower - on Sunday we missed the train due to my long shower. We concluded no more showers.

Luckily, we had the train pass, so we could take any train any time. This combined with no hotel reservations (yes, some thought we were crazy - we didn't want to be tied down though, we wanted the ability to stay longer or leave earlier as we pleased - and not once did it prove to be a problem in finding a room or a train) allowed for easy changes of plans. We left the rain in Lyon (Li-yon) and arrived in Nice (Neice), France. The sunshine and Mediterranean Sea were simply stunning.

We walked around town for a bit. We saw the luxurious hotels directly on the sea. A few blocks back, standard Quality Inn rooms could be obtained for about 100 euros a night. We stumbled on a door that read "Hotel de la Buffa," 58Euros a night. It was cheaper than a hostel, and one block from the water.

JLo and I agreed we'd go in and check it out. As we entered the dark lobby we nearly turned around and walked out. I held my breath and asked if we could see a room. Two were still available for the night. JLo sat with our luggage as I went upstairs.

First, the lights in the whole place turned off. I froze up and as usual my imagination got to the best of me and I convinced myself I would be axe murdered. The receptionist mumbled something in French and hit the switch to turn the lights back on. I later learned they were set to a timer, not a sensor. She opened the door to the first room.

If that were the only room available I would've walked out then and there. It was dingy and just plain creepy. I held my tongue although I wanted to preemptively say "Nevermind!". We walked down the hall to a vibrantly colored room.

The room smelled musty, but the walls were a bright shade of sunshine. To the left was a bathroom that was maybe, on a good day, 1 yard x 1 yard. Jonaid dubbed it the "smallest bathroom in the world". He seriously struggled in there. The water pressure was miserable. The bed was comfortable but I tried not to think about it too much, in terms of sanitation.

But the view, the view! You could [barely] see the sea from it, but you could. Windows taller than both Jonaid and I went to the ceiling and opened completely so you could lean outside. The breeze and the sun invited themselves in and I was sold. Many a happy moment in Nice was spent sitting by that very window, watching the world, experiencing the breeze, and sipping the wine.

Although as usual, I was worried about ghosts. I'm learning it's a chronic thing. I'm glad to report no ghosts and no thefts and no break ins.

European Cashmoney

2011-10-18T06:16:00.000-04:00

The Euro (as JLo says, "monopoly money") and the Swiss Franc. Gotta love the dude on the Dix Francs. Alex says his expression is him saying "What are YOU buying?" Creeper.

Switzerland

2011-10-17T19:36:00.001-04:00

We arrived in Interlaken (pronounced Inter lahken), Switzerland and marveled at the natural beauty. Stepping off the train, the air was damp and noticeably cooler. It started downpouring and didn't stop - making the pictures unclear. Still, we enjoyed the delicious chocolate and the mountain air just felt good. Seeing the snow made me excited for ski season. Cars driving down from the mountain had inches of it caked on.

Interlaken is in the valley between the lakes. Above the town is Jungfrau, one of the highest peaks in the Alps. It also has the highest train station in all of Europe. Unfortunately, due to the weather, we barely saw it.

Before we left for our trip I had looked at pictures of Interlaken and Switzerland. I thought the teal color of the water and the sheer splendor must have been photoshopped. When we arrived I realized the photos were not lying and the colors were even more magnificent in real life.

We were only there for one day, but it was stunning. Hopefully if I ever get the opportunity to go again the weather will cooperate.

Fun Fact

2011-10-17T06:45:00.000-04:00

All beers at all of the bars included paper covers on the bottom of the glasses. When I asked, I got a complete demonstration - the condensation comes down off of the glass, it hits the bottom, and when you sip your drink it drips on your pants and you get very sad/angry. This was re-enacted by three grown men.

Mühlheim, Germany (part 3)

2011-10-16T20:41:00.000-04:00

2am rolled around which was a problematic time for us. JLo and I would wake up then like clockwork. This particular 2am, I was hungover with no access to my usual remedy - OJ + Chocolate milk. Yes it's weird. Don't ask.

By some stroke of luck a strange version of orange something was in the minibar for only 3Euro. We sat up and I slowly felt better. A few hours later it was daylight and although I had significant improvement I wasn't yet 100%. Still, I was determined not to lose a day so I visited the nearby town of Steinhem and later Offenbach. Both were quaint - Steinheim more picturesque, Offenbach was much larger and just a marketplace with stores familiar to me from the US. It started raining in the mid afternoon and got very chilly. This combined with the light headache I had, I was done. I headed back to Mühlheim to catch the bus to the hotel.

Who pulls up but the bus driver I blew off the night before. I ducked back into the train before he saw me. He pulled away, and I waited for the next bus which turned out to be also him. He spotted me and got off the bus to yell at me. Then he saw I was wet and freezing and offered me his jacket (chivalry despite my actions, ugh kick me in the stomach, really). I declined and he continued to be annoyed. (Un)luckily, he didn't speak German and I didn't speak English so I couldn't understand his yelling and he couldn't understand my explinations.

I pretended to need another bus so I wouldn't have to ride his. He pulled away and I attempted to use a pay phone to call a taxi but could not figure out how to operate the machine. Wet and miserable, I resolved to take the bus even if it was angry bus driver guy. Fortunately, the next bus was not him. But as we pulled away, I saw him pull up behind us. I ducked down in my seat.

I got off the bus and ran to the local grocery for a few supplies. It's weird how the popular flavor of potato chips there is "paprika". I left the grocery store cranky and tired, and headed to the hotel. As I was walking, the friends of Mr. Casanova from the night before spotted me and yelled "HELLO!". I looked up and couldn't believe it. The last hour had become full circle of my entire stay in this small town.

Finally in bed, I relaxed with a German version of House Hunters. I didn't know what they were saying but we all know I marathon watch that show in the US so it was delightfully familiar. (Also sidenote - it's weird how Germans play game shows and half of their questions are about the US. One kid, looked my age, was asked something about 1970s music, the answer was John Travolta, and he got it right).

That night, JLo and I went to the Chinese/Thai place in town. Usually in US Asian food restaurants there is a language barrier, so here it was double. We did alright though and the food was simply fantastic.

Afterwards, I talked Jonaid into going to Billy Idol's bar for a drink. We sat down and I remembered there was a big soccer game on - Germany vs Turkey. The bar was all in an uproar watching the game. Seeing something like this in Europe was truly an awesome experience. With our 1Euro beers we had a great night.

As we sat down, we chatted to one another and a man swung around. "AMERICANS!" he yelled. "Fuckin A I'm from OHIO!" He lived in Germany for the last 30 years. They don't get many tourists in those parts I guess, but he was really friendly and we sat and talked to him for awhile.

We didn't encounter as many English speaking people in Germany as we were expecting. Maybe it's because we were in a small town outside of the big cities. But we did okay in communicating and had an easy time making acquaintances. But after only three days I knew most everyone, and it was time to move on.

Mühlheim, Germany (part 2)

2011-10-16T15:41:00.000-04:00

Around 11am I was heading back to the bus stop from the Mühlheim market to go back to the hotel when I saw a brewhouse. A man was sweeping up inside, Lynyrd Skynyrd's Sweet Home Alabama was on the radio - in English. I later learned most German radio is American music, in English, because it is very popular. With my phrasebook I asked if they were open and he said yes. I sat down and ordered a beer.

It was here I first noticed a trend that continued throughout Germany - whenever you enter somewhere you greet the entire bar. "'Morgen!" was said so many times that I actually kind of miss it. For the most part, I kept silent as I observed and customers would come in with loud, boisterous stories that obviously expected responses at certain points. I must have seemed very rude as I kind of stared on, interested in the mannerisms but unresponsive because I had no clue.

After two beers here (the bartender was awkward and as I learned later, from Greece so he also struggled with German already) I hopped on a bus. Hello German Drama.

I sat in the front seat and the bus driver started chatting with me. He learned I did not speak German, and he did not speak any English. I got on a little bit with my phrasebook, "I'm having a good time," "I like the beer," and so on. Ten minutes later I went to leave the bus. He stopped me and I realized he was trying to ask me to meet him out later.

I attempted to politely decline but I think he took it as me misunderstanding his question. After three attempts I said maybe, but had no intention of going. Later on, at our meeting time, even if I had intended on going I would have been unable due to intox.

I got off the bus and headed to the local bar across from the hotel. The bartender looked like Billy Idol but was incredibly friendly. Again, no one spoke English. Two other patrons walked in, Hans, and another gentleman who spoke some English. I spent the afternoon joking and chatting with them - such a good time that Hans gave me his e-mail address and Billy Idol gave me the bar address to mail pictures to. After the English speaking gentleman helped me with the menu, I bought him a beer, which cost a whopping 1Euro. He said doing that in Germany is called "inviting someone for a drink".

Hans bought me a shot of Italian vodka and it was all downhill from there.

The English speaking man left to go to a bar next door, one that allowed smoking. Another thing I picked up was that many Germans smoke, "about 50%," according to the man at the bar. They sell cigarettes in vending machines on the road. I agreed to meet him there after I finished my drink. I finished my beer, left, and although it was only about 20 minutes later, he was already gone. So I met Mr. Casanova.

Casanova smelled good, was a smooth talker, and was dressed well. He bought me a shot within five minutes of my arrival. Soon I learned he had five kids - and he was young! I guess his Casanova skills worked well on others, too. I got a beer, and talked to him and all of his friends, all of whom were about my age. But they left early, which is probably a good thing, as it forced me to stop drinking for the day.

A hallway of mirrors and doors where, after you've had as many drinks as I had, is difficult to find the bathroom.

Mühlheim, Germany (part 1)

2011-10-16T12:00:00.000-04:00

We stayed outside of Frankfurt, near the town of Mühlheim, in the small town of Lämmerspiel. By the end of three days I knew half of the town and where everything was. I don't speak German.

If you recall, at the very beginning I got out of the taxi and within five minutes I met a local woman. After escaping her, we went inside to our hotel room.

As an old building, the hotel smelled musty. The decor offered a lot of character to the hotel through unique artwork and old fashioned architecture. The windows in the room were very bizarre - huge windows where if you turned the handle down it was in lock, if you turned it horizontal you could pull the window out (as if the hinges were on the right), if you turned the handle up you could pull the window out from the top (as if the hinges were on the bottom). It was an interesting, enjoyable place.

Of course though, I convinced myself it was haunted. There is no evidence of this whatsoever. Something about Europe and thousands of years of establishment is overwhelming. To realize how many people had been there before I was was bewildering.

We tossed our stuff in the room. It was 8am Germany time, 2am East Coast US. We were tired and I was slightly hungover after our plane ride allowed unlimited alcohol.

Still, we bucked up and headed outside. Across the street was the Bärferei Backerei which turned out to be very tasty. We got breakfast there and toured the town. A number of small beer houses were on the small street. A florist was at the end of one block, a Chinese/Thai food place at the end of another, and a grocery store and the hotel in the middle. And that was all.

We headed back in after completing the tour and noticed the Germans just park anywhere they please - very frequently completely on the curb. It appears this is accepted here. Jonaid wondered how they ever know which park job was done while intoxicated, since they all appear to be horrendous.

And then we passed out. We were exhausted. I picked up a few supplies from the grocery store and a large Schwarzbier for 0.85 euros.

The next day JLo was busy so I toured around solo. The bus system was easy enough to figure out, so I rode into downtown Mühlheim. The center of town seems to be very run down - lots of graffitti and not well taken care of. A local explained few of the inhabitants of the downtown Mühlheim are actually German, that many are Turkish immigrants. That explains why so few people I encountered spoke English - apparently, because there German itself is a second language. Still, I found a farmer's market where everyone was quite friendly. A woman hard boiled her eggs and dyed them. I sneezed as I walked around and someone yelled "Gezundheit". The town was very welcoming.

Wanted: Nancy Drew

2011-10-15T16:04:00.000-04:00

You may recall that lately there has been a bit of a glowstick problem here in Trenton, New Jersey.

Due to recent events, outlined as follows, the glowstick saga has escalated from something of a curiosity to a full fledged mystery.

Today, I was casually minding my own business. This jet lag has me in a constant lethargy where I am cranky, tired, and/or complaining about being cranky and/or tired. Then I checked my mail.

Inside was a box, addressed to me! And it's not even my birthday. Then I looked closer.

24 Glow Sticks, ha ha, very funny. Prankster.

Inside of the box was another box. Also labeled as glow sticks. More of them.

Total I received twenty-four (24) glow sticks, one for each hour in the day. Awfully convenient.

Neither a note nor a receipt was included in the box. Nothing but the glowsticks. I became a girl alone with her glowsticks. The return address was Woot, which after some investigation, had a glow stick sale (note sale, not FREE) on 06Oct2011.

If you were to read the comments on the Woot! site, other Woot users were very excited to have glow sticks. Their multi-purpose function includes having a 24 hour rave, for inclusion in your Zombie apocalypse kit, or for possibly being a Lite-Brite for Halloween. The users also note "it is not the size of your glow stick, but rather how you use it."

Most of the comments on the Woot site are very informative and have completely increased my awareness regarding the functionality of glow-sticks. Perhaps my initial mockery of glowsticks was unfounded and should be rescinded. At this point I believe I owe the shipper a thank-you, for forcing the glowsticks into my life and ascertaining knowledge of their purposes.

Still, the underlying mystery --- Who sent these?!?!?!

47 about the other 47

2011-10-15T11:28:00.001-04:00

DrinkLocalWine has a contest to use 47 words (only 47) to describe the wine splendor of the other 47 states - excluding Cali, Wash, & Oregon. Here's my entry.

I’m not a native to New Jersey but I’m a native to wine. To familiarize myself with my new state I picked up a wine passport. From merlot in the mountains to chambourcin at the coast, I found New Jersey’s scenic beauty and proudly became a locopour.

It was a good year for NJ wine! JLo and I saw the entire state in a period of nine months, and I think as everyone knows, reviewed every winery and even sent out screw cork awards. Sounds like today will be a Shiraz Saturday. Probably better to stay inside, away from this wind and all anyway.

Eurotour

2011-10-14T21:16:00.000-04:00

I have so much to say yet so much jet lag. Please be patient with my fragmented posting. Lots of stories, I just want to tell them correctly. And 500 photos to go through (only 500?) and a couple of pretty terrible videos.

To begin with the beginning, check out how much of a great job I did at packing (don't mind if I do pat myself on the back). The shoes are on top so you can gauge the size of the bag.

Quite a few hours before we needed to leave I was all ready to go. Triumph brewery posted on Twitter that their Pumpkin Ale was on tap. I decided to swing by because I know that brew gets kicked fast and I was worried it'd be gone before I got back. Due to time, I wasn't able to go to the New Hope location so instead I headed to the Princeton branch. It was the first time I'd ever been there. As I walked in, I couldn't help but notice the huge flag.

Likely for Oktoberfest, but I pretended it was a "sign". Please don't mind the grainy cameraphone pictures in this post.

I was somewhat concerned before going on this trip I'd do drunk postcarding. I have a bad habit of drunk e-mailing but my phone stayed in the states and I didn't bring a computer. However I think I kept the postcarding under wraps. If you get a wayward message, my apologies...

And my last note before I go to bed (yes... 9pm on a Saturday...), our hotel in Germany had the multi-purpose liquids that Jonaid is so fond of. Last year he bought a bottle of shower gel + shampoo + conditioner and was so impressed with it that he wondered what else could come as a multipurpose liquid. Subsequently for Christmas JLo received a bottle of miracle gel. Anyway, he was pretty stoked that "eighteen-in-one", as we fondly call it, was included in the German hotel room.

And now, goodnight. More later.

Go Ask Alice

2011-10-13T22:12:00.000-04:00

Decisions to make in Nice, France

La Tour Eiffel

2011-10-11T20:02:00.000-04:00

Via JLo's iPhone

Tourist Tuesday - we awed over and photographed the amazing tower. Although remarkable, and I couldn't believe I was actually looking at the real thing, I have to admit it was a bit smaller than I was expecting. Still breathtaking.

Deutch. - Switz. - France

2011-10-08T16:21:00.001-04:00

Made it to France. JLo and I spent the day in stunning Switzerland. It rained all day, so we left earlier than expected (we anticipated staying the night). Despite the downpour, the landscape was breathtaking. When looking at the pictures online before our trip, I thought the water color was fake or photoshopped. In real life, it was actually even better. Now we're in France, parlez-vous anglais?

Switz, although beautiful, was intensely expensive. Souvenier magnets were $10USD. Our lunch, pizza, 1 soda, 1 water (wasser), and bruchetta, was $50.

Deutschland Drama

2011-10-07T06:16:00.001-04:00

Five minutes after I got out of the taxi upon arrival in Germany a woman spotted me and started screaming as if I were going to get hit by a car. I turned around, and was in a bicyclist's path. After stepping aside, the woman proceeded to talk to me in rapid German. After a few minutes, she paused and I realized she had asked me a question. I politely explained Iche spreche nicht Deutsch, I don't speak German. It didn't even phase her - she just continued on.

After she pointed at my pocket I showed her the contents - my camera. She babbled on again, and after repeating herself three times I realized she wanted me to photograph her. I obliged. Now that she had her photo, she started talking about her parents. Her face swelled up with pride and from what I gathered it seemed her dad would walk the streets singing. At this point, JLo came to my rescue. We wondered if she was a beggar, but she didn't smell bad, she had a cup of coffee, seemed clean, and appeared to be waiting for the bus. All during our conversation she was greeting others walking on the street as well and it seemed she knew them. Not sure.

Deutschland

2011-10-06T04:55:00.001-04:00

Thanks to my german phrasebook I am quite unsuccessfully getting around. It comes with a disclaimer that some phrases are for joke only and the reader should know well enough not to use them.

Perhaps these are part of them. I can say I am gay, straight, bisexual, or prudish. I can say ask someone if the want to hear me burp. I can explain I am rich and single or that I am a pickpocket.

And did you know animals in Germany also speak a new language? The phrasebook lets me know that ducks say quak quak (pronounced kvahk kvahk) and instead of cock-a-doodle-do roosters wake you up with 'kee-keh-ree-kee'.

Grounds for Sculpture

2011-10-03T22:47:00.000-04:00

Finally! For the first time since I've moved to New Jersey I visited the Grounds for Sculpture. It's been on my to-do list for awhile. For my birthday last year, JLo and I swung by the famous Rat's Restaurant, which is connected to the grounds, but viewing the artwork is a separate admission. 35 acres of artwork, $12 to tour. I missed a BOGO coupon in Feb on Groupon, bummer.

My friend Tyler grabbed a map but sometimes I find maps to be stressful. I spend too much time figuring out where I'm going and focused on what's next that I forget to enjoy what's around me.

We came across a pond near a gazebo with my kinds of beverages. The rain had washed down the insides of the glasses, turning the reds and whites into hues. I don't know if these glasses are there year round or if people left them there (they do serve alcohol in the park), but I liked them. Especially with the lillipads in the background, so beautiful.

A wedding was taking pictures here. It would be lovely to get married here.

We encountered some really cool stuff,

Lots of secret passageways, [you have to keep your eyes open because art is everywhere]

And some very disturbing stuff. But I suppose that's what good art is - it makes you feel.

Also - please do not forget rule #15 - Do not disturb or chase the peacocks.

The Glowstick Saga

2011-10-01T19:54:00.000-04:00

Trenton likes glowsticks. Check out this great deal.

What a great opportunity. There are so many great things you can do with glowsticks. Like, make things glow. There are so many more things you can do with free glowsticks. Like, make more things glow.

Only days after that great deal was found I saw these. Too bad any shoppers to this store didn't know that you can get glowsticks FOR FREE. Very unfortunate to anyone who forked over $1.00 for glowsticks. FREE at other stores. FREE.

I'm just raising awareness here. You're allowed to choose your own path of acquiring glowsticks.

Things I Steal [Oxford Comma, Earth]

2011-09-29T20:23:00.000-04:00

Not completely positive about who posted this originally. My friend Brandon posted it on Facebook and I wanted to share. The farthest back I could trace this (because it's been re-tweeted and re-tumblr-ed until infinity) was here. Bravo, Oxford comma.

And this was posted by Emily, originally from here.

Handwriting Doppelganger

2011-09-27T20:08:00.000-04:00

Wanted: A chalkboard. At least 2'x2', larger also acceptable. If anyone finds one on the side of the road, at a yard sale, etc, I can give it a good home.

Thanks MM for the Skeletini, Spider Strong Cider, and Wicked Remedy!

Maybe these should be on the Hangover Helper line?

They say that everyone has a doppelganger. Think everyone has a handwriting twin? Genetic twins can look identical on the outside but have very different handwriting. And then there are professionals who can forge writing. I myself mastered my mother's in high school (purely for sport, of course). But I wonder if complete strangers could pass for one another's typeface. You know, the girl in Kansas who has the same blend of print & cursive I have, or... Just thinking out loud here...

Hypothetical situation: Would you rather have to walk into the bathroom of the opposite gender OR dress up like the opposite gender? Please note both circumstances would occur in public.

Really Scary (Meet Spiderpig-Minus-the-Pig)

2011-09-25T19:48:00.000-04:00

Spiderpig minus the pig. 

Saw him building his web earlier this week and made a mental note to avoid the walkway. When getting the mail a few days later, I walked right into a web - and then panicked. I remembered that I had forgotten about the spider. I shrieked, shook everything out, undid my hair, swept off my shirt, and then looked over. Spiderpig minus the pig was tranquilly on another web next to me.

Spiderpig-minus-the-pig 1 Carinne 0.

Screw Cork Awards - Maryland Wine Edition

2011-09-23T07:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's post was the overview. But I think what we're all a little excited for are the --

2011 Screw Cork Awards

[Maryland edition]

[for background click here] We scouted our top awards throughout the day, and without further adieu, here they are.

The Group Favorite - Perigeaux - some of the best wines accompanied with the best wine tent host we had all day. Thank you very much Brenda F!
Best Label - Boordy Vineyards - 2nd year in a row
Best Value - Penn Oaks - Fantastic prices on good bottles
Most Unique Wine - Orchid Cellar's Hunter: It was made with Hot Peppers. Enough Said.
Jonaid's Pick - Port of Leonardtown - Maybe influenced because his wine got poured by the Captain. Loved the uniform code here, everyone wore sailor's hats. Jonaid was on a mission to find an apple wine; after scouting all day the McIntosh here was JLo's final choice. Plus he just felt comfortable with the atmosphere.

Most Welcoming - Mark Cascia Vineyards - the gentlemen who helped us here talked each of us individually and poured a wine to suit all of us. And the Missus Cascia chatted with us as well, a very pleasant experience.
The Destination Winery - Slack - (Winery I Hope to Visit in Person) - Although I'd like to see all of the Maryland wineries, the sales pitch at this tent made this place seem like a great hangout with a stunning landscape. Tied with good wines, it seems unbeatable. Browsing their website, there's a B&B?!? Perhaps someday?
Most Fun - Dove Valley - The Wine Suit. Enough Said. Thank you.

The Dove Valley Grape Suit and I... A romance

Cheers to all of our winners this year. I'm depressed I have to wait an entire year to experience it again. I'll just have to get lots of bottles and have my own Maryland wine festival. Complete with crab grilled cheese (yes, I'm still talking about that).

Marlyand Wine Festival (vol. 2)

2011-09-22T20:55:00.001-04:00

Maryland Wine Festival round two. Because my first experience was just that good. And just like last year, we visited every wine tent.

Pulling on jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie on top, I cranked the heat as JLo and I hit the foggy highway at the crack of dawn. Fall certainly has come early this year. We fueled up on Dunkin Donuts coffee (pumpkin is back!!) and after encountering a caravan of cars from the 1940s we made it to the wine.

Somehow we acquired rock-star parking right at the front of the gates. The man ID-ing us saw our NJ licenses and commented, "I'm always amazed when I see people from so many different states." Rumor has it there has been at least one festival attendee from all fifty states and some foreign countries. After heading in, JLo got some cash from an ATM that reminded me somewhat of the fortune machine in the movie Big.

To our surprise it started raining. And then it started raining harder. It absolutely downpoured when we were at Bordeleau Vineyards, amidst trying their three chardonnays (unoaked, oaked, and 'very oaked' as described by their WP). And after awhile we stopped noticing.

Last year I wrote copious notes at every tent. This year, we did the wineries in reverse order, I wrote down much less, but for the most part our impressions from last year stood true. Onward to the acronyms: MM = Mum Mum, UM = Uncle Michael, WP = Wine Pourer/Host

MM, UM, JLo, Myself

We reunited with some old flames (Cassinelli's Chocolate Kiss... And Jonaid exclaiming the Jealous Mistress of Knob Hall has "struck again") and came across some new experiences (A 'Festivus' for the Rest of Us at DeJon, Meeting the winemaker at Great Shoals). Linganore Winecellars was proudly displaying the American flag, a sight that is always welcoming. And sipping the fruity wines at Far Eastern Shore had me thinking I could drink that with my breakfast toast.

UM found his namesake's holy-grail in St. Michael's Winery and we concluded if he lived there, Tracy could never get angry at him. Is it blasphemous to say the Saint could have wine communion every day? Perhaps some days in excess is sinful.

We made the best of the rain by jokingly rinsing our glasses out with the downpours. Not bad for a day where my grandmother started drinking at 11:35am (yes, we clocked it!). We picked up a few bottles from our favorite stops, grabbed some Big Zin from Basignani for those who watered plants while we were away at Wine Fest, and hit up a food tent that made grilled-cheese-with-crab. Yes, I said it, a grilled cheese with crab on it. Grilled cheese will never be the same.

Hi Terrapin Station Merlot! I'm Carinne! Let's follow one another on Twitter.

We learned some new things this year, like how Orange Muscat came to exist at Cascia as it is their version of a 'sweet wine' to appease the masses at festivals. The kind WP at Harford taught MM the correct pronunciation of Viogner (vee-yawn-yay, if you didn't know. Which of course you did.). I pulled on the great Grape Suit from Dove Valley - very exciting and a fantastic new profile picture if I do say so myself. Jonaid had a delicious Apple Dumpling from a farm stand and my grandmother greatly enjoyed the crafts all around.

A heartwarming part of the day was when we saw a lifesaver mint on the ground right in front of the Little Ashby tent. My grandfather, Poppy, would always give those out to anyone and everyone. As his favorite drink was a chardonnay, we took that as a sign, and marched right up to try chardonnay in his honor.

Another fantastic year at the Maryland Wine Festival. Is it really 365 days until the next?

273 Days Until Summer

2011-09-21T19:17:00.000-04:00

Must keep jogging must keep jogging must keep jogging...
Sigh lazybody.

I hung up a new picture on my wall. It really ties the room together.
Clearly, it has been a very exciting week.

Pumpkins, Riff Raff, & Random

2011-09-19T20:03:00.000-04:00

Fall is here. New table centerpieces of mini-pumpkins on sale locally for $1. Very nice.

The last weekend of summer was completely rambunctious as we attended the Maryland Wine Festival in the pouring rain (but more on that later) and saw fireworks at the York Revolution game. We also started rebuilding the rockwork for JLo's fish tank since Irene knocked the power out for a week, killing almost everything. The tank had to be completely restarted, so we spent some time reorganizing for a re-start. It's been a tri-state weekend.

I wish Blogshopia offered scholarships. Pretty neat but super expensive.

Hypothetical Situation of The Week: Of course you're the class riff raff... What are you staying after school to write on the chalkboard? It can be from modern day (I will not drink wine from the bottle) or your childhood (I will not flick boogars at my sister).

Hangover Helper

2011-09-18T19:54:00.000-04:00

Waffle Snob Tested - Regret Free
Now in new flavor Minty Morning
Takes the pain of last night away, so you can sort through your obscene texts, mass quantities of facebook status updates, and drunk dials with a clear head.
Does not prevent STDs.

Order now and get the second box FREE!

leiderhosen wanted, inquire within

2011-09-13T21:49:00.000-04:00

I ate mac & cheese for dinner tonight. I have a feeling mac and cheese will be dinner for many moons to come... Now being quite broke and such... I bought a ticket to go to Germany in three weeks. I must be going insane.

A chardonnay toast to my grandfather, Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!

Smellyboyfriend & Edamame Envy

2011-09-12T06:54:00.000-04:00

Homemade edamame this weekend. Amanda's favorite sushi parlor had an incredible chili and garlic edamame - truly fantastic. Unfortunately I have yet been unable to find any sort of replicate here in NJ. With a bit of experimenting I made it so that even JLo enjoyed it. I can't wait to exercise some flavoring license and try some new ideas. Yummmm.

Hypothetical of the Week: Which would you choose to have as a pet?

a) Clifford (the big red dog!)
b) Gary (Spongebob’s snail)
c) Bullwinkle
d) Felix the Cat
e) Iago (Parrot from Aladdin)
f) Klaus (the goldfish from American Dad)

Never Forget

2011-09-11T09:43:00.000-04:00

Last year Jonaid and I visited the World Trade Center on 9/11. Flowers were everywhere, names were written, and the memorial was still in construction. It was breathtaking. You could see the lights in honor of the towers from NJ.

In 2001 I was a sophomore in high school. In between classes, I was at my locker when Emily, my friend Ellen's cousin, came scurrying up to me. She told me the twin towers had been hit.

I walked to Chemistry, and an announcement on the loudspeakers had all classes turn the TV on. It was surreal. I didn't quite understand at the time.

As Gov. Chris Christie pointed out, if we held a moment of silence for every person lost on 9/11, we would be silent until Monday afternoon.

too much house hunters tonight

2011-09-08T22:07:00.000-04:00

I'm building an ark. With a pirate guard to 'keep all the haters out'. It'll help me get to work, with all of that rain we've been having...

A photo just because...

...and a couple of follow-ups on past hypothetical situations:

Mad Lib: Pick a friend & a noun (person, place, thing, or idea, in case you forgot. Yeah, I know you didn't forget. Sheesh.)

You make the decision to see a hypnotist to cure your bad habit. Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, your hypnotist is Dr. [friend], who inadvertently convinces you that you are (a/an, as applicable) [noun].

and

You’re the editor of the newsletter (feel free to strut around for awhile, editors do that ya know). What is your song-of-the-week?

Sadly True

2011-09-07T19:46:00.001-04:00

The original author but found&image from here

'I feel like I'm always sort of killing time, waiting for someone to send me a message like, "oh, p.s. - only you can save the world." I'd nod my head, solemnly pay for my cup of coffee, and be done with life as I know it.'

Fifth Inning Fist Pump

2011-09-03T08:53:00.000-04:00

Only in New Jersey, ha.

Beer Monster

2011-08-31T22:22:00.000-04:00

It feasts on the beer & wine of bad little girls and boys. So behave yourself.

Shown below in its natural habitat, North American species. It runs on 35 beers per hour.

Lost & Found

2011-08-29T21:38:00.000-04:00

Found a whole bunch of soccer badges at the high school track tonight. I was the last one to leave the kingdom of jogging (yeah, okay, walking) so I picked them up with hopes of finding their owner. I have no use for them - let's face it, my friends know I'm not athletic enough to have earned these.

They actually smell pretty bad. Let me know if they're yours. They may not be living rent-free on my table for much longer. I made a craigslist ad.

Hurricane Hairdo

2011-08-28T20:13:00.000-04:00

This wind gives me an an all-natural fresh hair blowout, PaulyD Style. I'm stunning. The drop in temperature, though, is really a great break from the heat.

Everything is still closed around here, looks like they'll be evacuating parts of Trenton and New Hope for fear of flooding. Currently in my town there is a Hurricane special - two large pies & a doz. wings for $15. Fab.

Chocolate Milk Delaware River ~ Closed for Storm

"Get the hell off the beach." Gov. Chris Christie.

The Hurricane Irene Drinking Game

2011-08-26T17:39:00.006-04:00

This is in full anticipation of a Hollicane (like a snow day, a hurricane holiday). Best if you drink Hurricane the malt liquor.

Rules
1. Game starts NOW.
2. If your mom calls/texts you, drink. And text her back.
3. Every time the news says Hurricane, drink.
4. Every time the news says "state of emergency", drink.
5. Drink if you see a newscaster reporting "live from the scene", but the scene does not have a hurricane in sight (ex, is sunny). You live in a sissy lame state. Drink again for that.
6. Every time the news says evacuate, drink.
7. When it starts raining, chug your drink until it's gone.
8. If you run outside and fistpump in the rain, make someone else drink.
9. Every time the you see a radar view of the hurricane, chug until the view leaves the screen.
10. If the TV mentions the town you live in or are residing in, update your Facebook/Twitter status about something non-hurricane related, and drink again.
11. If a tree lands on your car drink everything you have left and stay inside.
12. If you conquer items 1-9 and you still have power, order chinese delivery. You deserve a reward. Tip well.

It's like snowmageddon around here. And of course - this week's hypothetical situation:
SAT Analogy - Werewolves are to Full Moons as [insert your answer] are to Hurricanes

Wish List

2011-08-26T09:30:00.002-04:00

Moustache on a stick? Yes please. [ something's hiding in here - etsy ]

And if you really love me, send some Pittsburgh Popcorn. Ok that's all.
28Aug Update: Thanks so much MM for sending some popcorn. You're the best. Hurricane survival kit.

Cleaning day fun facts

2011-08-24T22:42:00.002-04:00

For some reason I have industrial grade hydrochloric acid toilet bowl cleaner. I'm not joking when I say I have to wear lab goggles to clean my porcelain bowl. I kind of run in - hold my breath - scrub scrub scrub - my eyes start tearing up - flush, and quickly run out of the room until the air defogs. It's a little bit scary, probably unhealthy, but I am confident that after my bathroom evacuates for half of an hour minutes it is the most sanitary part of my house. True story.

Hooligans

2011-08-23T20:17:00.000-04:00

Riffraff kids, sitting on the corner drinking sugary soda pops and puffing on Lucky Lights. Get offa my lawn you stinkers!

A Few Vacation Pictures

2011-08-22T18:56:00.000-04:00

Tanked & Tanked

2011-08-21T19:07:00.000-04:00

Friday night demonstrated the love of being "tanked" that my boyfriend and I each share. Unfortunately the word is a homonym in this case - Tanked, for him, the new salt water aquarium show on Animal Planet, and Tanked, for me, with my love of unique beverages.

The show aired on Friday and included so much drama and fishiness (pun intended) that JLo was in his glory. I have to say it was entertaining.

Later on in the weekend JLo & I enjoyed a trip to central PA for UM's delayed birthday party. It's been a beer-oriented week - starting off with Liz and I visiting Yard's Brewing in Philadelphia.

Troegs in Harrisburg (finally! finally! on my to-do list for so many years now, I saw it in all of its epic-ness. The soft pretzels are inexpensive and so worth it, brewer-made mustard as well, but the microavable pizza? unsure about that). Just make sure you have reservations for the tour.

Blueberries in Sea Dog's Blueberry Beer (the berries rise and fall like a lava lamp!)

And a few wayward individual bottle selections from the NJ store - Mississippi Mud & Southern Tier Creme Brulee. The Creme Brulee smelled like a dessert - to me, something that I could order in a coffee shop. Mississippi Mud was $3 for a quart, so it was our budget buy. We feared it would be the 'mad dog' of beer, but it turned out fairly decent. JLo explained you "pay for the artwork", I guess because the jug is kind of cool. Anyway - are you on untappd yet??

Published!

2011-08-18T22:00:00.003-04:00

The Hypothetical Situations of the Week have made me famous! Famous!

Uppercase magazine asked for submissions of "top ten" lists for their tenth issue. The "top ten" lists could be top ten anything - for example, the ten best words to say aloud. Ten lists of "top ten" were published in the tenth issue (top ten tongue twisters, sheesh), and my list of hypothetical situations are included! I didn't author this alone, though - Alex is the mastermind behind No. 8.

Anyway - go ahead - ask yourself:

10. Money doesn't grow on trees. What instead grows on the magic tree in your backyard? (Go pick a pack from the bacon bush for dinner, Andy!)
9. The Tooth Fairy vs Cupid - who do you bet on in a fight?
8. Would you rather have a stunning lawn/garden and unkept house interior, or an impeccable interior but messy lawn?
7. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock?
6. Would you rather win the $3mil lottery or be guaranteed to live until 90 without any health problems?
5. What's the magic word?
4. Would you rather live in Candyland or the Clue Mansion?
3. The producers are killing off your soap opera character, but letting you write the exit. What is your untimely demise?

2. You find an abandoned stamped, addressed, sealed envelope. Do you mail it?

1. Door No. 1, 2, or 3?

So for those of you who follow along with this blog regularly know that every week I post a hypothetical situation after it is published in the newsletter... Lately I've been bad at that though. So here's a recap on the last three weeks.

Would you rather live in a tree house, a cave, a tipi, or an igloo?
Ben & Jerry's names an ice cream flavor after you. What is it? [Some really good answers here... Pinot Gina... VOM (for the lactose intolerant)... Reynoldstrudel...]
Would you believe?

!!!!

Gun Show

2011-08-15T12:24:00.001-04:00

Did you get your tickets?!?!?

Jersey Shore (by Nate)

2011-08-14T22:27:00.001-04:00

Jersey Shore (as narrated by Nate)

"Hmm, do you want to go to the club?"
"YES."
[enter fight scene]
"Probably wasn't the best idea."

Next night.
"Do you want to go to the club?"
"YES." And repeat.

I can see how some might find this repetitive, but personally I just can't turn it off.

ball game of love

2011-08-10T08:38:00.000-04:00

Poppy, 1935-2011

So many good memories. I remember being thirteen and asking my grandfather what his favorite store was. "Giant Eagle!" he replied. Of course, the grocery store would be his answer. Food shopping is a gene that runs through the males on my father's side - my grandfather loved grocery shopping, my uncle and father both love grocery shopping. I now tell my two brothers they don't stand a chance fighting that one.

Every Thanksgiving there would be a football brawl between my uncle and my dad (gizzards v. rams, turkey bowl). My grandfather would wear his striped referee shirt and run around blowing the whistle at this and at that. I would sit on the sidelines, in the freezing cold, and wait for the after-picnic to start. Then my siblings and I would hold pretzel rods as if we were smoking cigars like my dad, uncle, and grandfather did.

I remember the ridiculous dance he would always do to Bob Seger's Old Time Rock n Roll. Every time I hear that song I think of him. And macadamia nut cookies - for lunch at my grandparent's house it was always cold-cuts on sandwiches and macadamia nut cookies.

We all had a toast of his favorite drink, chardonnay, to him last night on the beach. He is now riding his tractor, mowing the giant lawn in the sky, cigar in hand.

Cake Pop (aka Sugar Bombs) Conquer

2011-08-04T18:39:00.000-04:00

You want to make cake pops? Don't have enough time to do all the baking and fridging and mixing and fridging and fridging...? Here's the lazy way to make these buggers.

You need ingredients. Find the following:

a) Donut holes
b) Candy Melts (JoAnn Fabrics)
c) Lollipop Sticks (JoAnn Fabrics)
d) Decorations (as desired)

Stick up the donuts with the lollipopper, roll in the melted candy, voila. Very time saving.

Oh, so you think you're Betty Crocker? You can do this from start to finish? Yeah yeah your apron is embroidered with your name on it. I get it. But be warned, cake pops have ruined many a baker. Read below for instructions.

You need: A cake (from a box or not), Icing (can or homemade), Candy Melts (JoAnn Fabrics), Lollipop Sticks (JoAnn Fabrics), anything you plan to use for decorating.

The process itself isn't time consuming, but there's a lot of down time in the interim. I'd start early and plan events in the middle of your day to go around it.

I set my alarm an hour early before work - woke up, made a cake - and just left it naked on my stove to cool completely. You can make a cake from scratch or a box, whatever you'd like to do. The cake flavor does kind of get lost in all of the sugar, so I wouldn't spend too much time on an overly fancy cake, but it's up to you. Once it's out of the oven, let it cool down.

I came back from work 8 hours later to a perfectly room temperature cake. Next, you get a giant mixing bowl and crumble a third of the cake in the bowl. Mix in some of the can of icing. Crumble another 1/3 of the cake, a bit more icing. Finish off the cake and add the rest of the icing too. Mix it up, it'll be pretty even throughout and kind of sticky. Note, if the bottom of your cake is a little extra crispy, don't use that part in the mix. You only want the soft stuff. Fridge it up again. I went and got my oil changed.

Once that mix is all chilly, roll it into balls. You are ball master here (that's what she said!), deciding the size. As big as you want - but beware, if they're top heavy, they may crumble. After rolling, put them back in the fridge. Also note - here's where I made a mistake. I rolled a ton of balls and put them on a big baking sheet. At the next step, by the time I got to the last balls on the tray they were warm and just crumbled as I tried to glaze them. If you put the balls on small plates you can pull out in batches, about 7 balls at a time, that's the best method. Or, if you happen to have some dry ice on you... Store your plate on dry ice to keep the balls cool as you glaze.

Next, melt the candy melts (follow the instructions on the package for melting). Stick the lollipop sticks in the candy melts about 3/4 of an inch and stick it in the pops. Then, roll the pops in the candy melts and decorate as desired. I used a big styrofoam case to display the pops on. Some did get top heavy and collapse - but for the most part, everyone in my office was impressed and enjoyed them.

New Jersey Festival of Balloons

2011-07-31T12:46:00.001-04:00

New Jersey has the largest hot air balloon festival in North America. About 125 hot air balloons were blown up and released in this weekend's festival.

Spiderpig showed up... And shark week was kicked off, too.

There were other knicknacks on the side as well.

Champagne is the traditional beverage of balloonists. Apparently, when ballooning was invented in the 1700s in France, they would accidentally land in farmer's fields. The farmers, unhappy about balloonists landing in their crops, would come after them with pitchforks. If a balloonist brought champagne as a peace offering, the farmer was not quite as upset about the landing.

Have Typewriter Will Travel

2011-07-30T11:32:00.000-04:00

On loan from Pap, so I can write some letters to friends and family.

When I got it, there was already a note included.

And of course, within three sheets of paper I had a paperjam. The Xerox dislike of me has been communicated to the Smith-Corona. Apparently they're allies.

Photo Catchup

2011-07-28T22:03:00.000-04:00

Epic Rubber Ducky in Amanda's pool

Joker - waterproof cards are wonderful. We played kings, with different rules like swim across the pool, or handstands, etc. A great break from the heat.

Remember the wine tour? Remember the wine awards? Well, part of the Garden State Wine Grower's Association's award for completing the passport, I received a set of crystal glasses. Excellent!

And on top of it all, Cupcake sent me a T-shirt. A week of wins.

And last! Hypothetical situation catchups. You have bought a new ship and discover a new land. What do you name the ship and the land that you discover? If there are villagers on the land, what will you call them? Written by guest editors Nate, Cam, and Tom.