Sunday, April 29, 2012

Go Directly to Jail

     Me: And here is this (handing the policeman who pulled me over a get-out-of-jail-free-card from monopoly)
  Officer: (Laughs) alright, you can go, just don't try that again.

I'm still shaking my head at that one. I can't believe it worked. And for the record, the po-lice kept the card. Maybe one day he will need to use it.

To briefly explain, I never want to be pulled over, but I've always wanted to try this. As is usually the rationale for a scientist, this was all a curiosity just to see what would happen. So I was prepared.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Baawk is Lonely. In need of Awkward.

I don't have an awkward story but I wish I did. Baawk the awkward chicken has been needing some lovin' lately. Gonna have to get my awkward on here soon.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Baberaham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer

After reading Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (my first nook book!) and being disappointed, I am countering author Seth Grahame-Smith with Baberaham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer. It is an adaptation of Mr. Grahame-Smith's novel that combines both Wayne's World and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Indiana, 2018. Strobe light falls through the dense floorboards that was once a one-room cabin. A twenty-nine-year-old Baberaham "Babe" Lincoln kneels at her suffering mother's side. She's been stricken with something the old-timers call "being a cougar."

"My Babe..." she whispers before collapsing.

Only later will the hungover Babe learn that her mother's fatal affliction was actually the work of a vampire.

When the truth becomes known to young Lincoln, she writes in her journal, "henceforth my life shall be one of rigorous study and devotion. I shall become a master of mind and body. And this mastery shall have but one purpose..." Gifted with her legendary zumba, pilates, and skill with an ax, Babe sets out on a path of vengeance that will lead her all the way to the Jersey Shore.

You can read my mediocre review of the actual novel here, and although it doesn't give away much of anything at all, be wary in case you do want to read it. I prefer to go into a novel completely blind without the biased opinions of others before making the judgement for myself.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Bethlehem Brew Works Chalk Art

A couple of old photos from a day at the Bethlehem Brew Works a few weeks back. I do love chalk art! Sidenote - recently, at the Virginia Wine Expo, I saw a framed chalk board. I've been looking for an affordable chalk board for awhile now. Allie suggested I use the chalkboard paint to make one of my own - great idea. I'll report back.

Anyway their chalk art is by this dude. The art depicts the beers they had on tap. All in all, the trip to Bethlehem was really enjoyable. Cute town and the drinks were good. Just make sure if you're also attempting to hit up Weyerbacher you remember they close at 3pm!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

an excerpt from my day

"Like a paper boat on a windy sea,
Battered and bruised from the to-ing and fro-ing.
Drenched in drops of tears that fall like rain...
I've lost sight of the shore.
     All this, yes.
But now that I am surrounded
by all that is unfamiliar,
I'm more aware, more awake, than ever before,
And with wide, clear eyes I soon find myself
In a world of wonder I never dared dream about.
It's in this world that wandering hearts come lost,
To be found." from my heart wanders, by pia jane bijkerk

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Cell Phone Section

In fifty years science will prove the dangers of cell phone reception. Instead of 'smoking sections', diners will offer cell phone sections; meaning, those who choose to be seated in an area allowing mobile devices. Meals will be interrupted with beeping and buzzing and one-sided conversations. Teenagers will funnel out their adolescent angst by drinking coffee, complaining about life, and texting - all things the good kids don't do. And 'texting in the girls room' will be a song by a descendent of Brownsville Station, later to be covered by a descendant of Motley Crue.
Everybody knows texting ain't allowed in school...

Monday, April 09, 2012

An Adaptation of Objects Reading Books

If you peruze the links along the side of my blog you will see a selection of the sites I frequent. Some of these I browse for the content, some for the articles, and admittedly, some for the pictures. One such favored link has solidly been posted on the sidebar for some time now; Marc Johns.

I encountered Mr. Johns' work in a magazine a while back and have been a regular viewer since. His 'serious drawings', as his page is titled, are a little off beat, sometimes a little woh-woh ba-dum-psh (my apologies!), but always entertaining. I am particularly fond of his 'Emperor Has No Clothes' series.

It is Mr. Johns' work that had me frantically running around this evening. To be more specific, it is this particular post.

Due to an overwhelming amount of 'busy-ness' as of lately, I have barely kept my own blog alive, much less had time to keep up on the others I enjoy. So when tonight I found myself with a few spare moments, I caught up on Mr. Johns' latest posts. As I browsed 'objects reading books' I was instantly struck with the idea to recreate the scenes he drew.

Now, I've been avoiding the library for several weeks due to some fines that I have accrued. The fines are likely less than $2, but still, carrying cash these days is like having a handkerchief. It's old fashioned (and will likely someday be a word in a spelling bee. Handkerchief, that is.). I remembered I had $2 in my wallet - but each dollar was practically stamped as 'laundromat money' - which put myself in a daunting predicament. Do I follow a spur of the moment idea or use the $2 for its intended purpose?

The clock read 8:02. Both the library and the laundromat close at 8:30.

I didn't hesitate - I ran to my car. I had to go the same way to go to either place; I could decide at a stoplight. I found myself turning into the library.

It was locked! The guard let me in, warning me I had five minutes. I sprinted upstairs! My god there's a lot of Shakespeare! And really, how many copies of Pride & Prejudice does one library actually need? As I sauntered down into the Non-Fiction 811.3 WHI, the lights across the way in Fiction went out. "We're closing," I was reminded. "I'll hurry," I yelled back from behind a shelf. I've never yelled in a library before.

I bolted downstairs with the four titles I could grab (one of them, not even the correct title, but it was all the Proust they had, I swear) and handed my books to the librarian wearing latex gloves.

"Latex? New thing around here?" I asked, wondering if I should follow suit when I borrow books.

"No, I just like it," she said. I looked over behind the counter. I don't think she was joking - I realized none of the other librarians were wearing latex. I second guessed myself then - perhaps I should have chosen the laundry path. Speaking of which - what time was it? As I looked at my watch she handed me my checkout slip - an April miracle - she didn't hound me for my overdue change! Hallelujah! I had four minutes to get to the laundromat.

A short while later I had both books and clean pajamas. And the photos are below. And that was my Monday.

Bananas reading Shakespeare

Frying pan reading Walt Whitman

Electrical outlet reading Prost (the only title my library has, which doesn't match the original drawing. It's in French though! A for effort, if I don't mind grading myself).

Chair reading Jane Austen

And one of my own - Wine club reading Tolstoy, which fell over as I was photographing it. Perhaps wine club needs to focus a little more on Tolstoy and a little less on vino.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Aunt Jul's Art

My Aunt Jul adopts old chairs and recreates them to offer them a new life. The whole process is remarkably unique. I asked her to give me a few more details and to allow me to post it on my blog. Her narrative and photos are below. 

"My creative outlet is painting wood chairs.  Finding a chair is the challenge as I prefer free discarded chairs.  I have had to purchase a few due to having no medium to work with, but that doesn't ruin my fun because I just go to a local junk shop and they have tons to choose from.  Sometimes I have a theme before I buy a chair, but usually the chair dictates the theme.  I then pick the fabric for the chairs that have covered seats and this sets the color scheme.  The  Mexican was my first chair, and I actually saw the idea in a magazine.  I was hooked!  All the chairs have multiple paint layers.  Some are sponged, some are distressed.  All of them have a protective coating to protect the occupant's clothing.  All of the chairs are named and I only sold one, because I didn't like it.  It was named, "Uninspired."  I also sign all the chairs with my initials, the year created, and it's name.  Last fall I was at a craft show in Mars, PA and saw painted chairs selling for $50.  Mine are nicer."

Aunt Jul is dissatisfied with the chair titled 'Lyric', shown below. The clef is proving to be difficult.

All the photos on this post are what she refers to as 'The Natural Series'. Thank you Aunt Jul for sharing!

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Fridge Food For Thought

Woke up to some political fridge poetry for thought a few weekends ago during the Richmond visit. The author will remain anonymous by name but not by image.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

If I Call You Darling...

I have no idea who posted this originally. That's the thing about Tumblr, sources are so difficult to follow. For me, anyway. But this is fun.

Sunday, April 01, 2012

N & C (Enemy of the N)

My brothers are ridiculous. On their doors, which face one another at my parents' house.

Classic pranksters. Happy April Fools' Day.