Monday, January 30, 2012

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Guidette Tax Form

EZ FORM - Doc # 6U1D3773
Individual Tax Form
Gui D. Oh, Governor
Please return form along with any applicable tax paperwork. If the documentation necessary to reconstruct the values presented on this form was not maintained properly please submit a sufficient representation of your purchases and exemptions through form TwitFa, the form used to generate a comprehensive summary of activities through an investigative analysis of social media updates.

Please print or type in indelible ink.

Name (Last, First)  ____________________________________________________________
Address ___________________________________________________________________

If filing a joint return please clearly identify your relationship and the identity of the other person. Please note this will also be included on the e-filing system and will be included in any/all relationship background checks as requested by potential suitors.

Name _____________________________ Relationship ___________________________
Any known relationship complications/disputes/STDs  ___________________________________

Income                                                                                    Wages, Salaries, Tips            $__________________________
                                                                  Misc. Income from Sugar Daddy / Mama            $__________________________
                                                             Amount saved from drinks received for free            $__________________________

Taxed                                                                                        Snooki Tax                         $__________________________
                                                                                                 Botox Plan                        $__________________________
                                                                                                Tanning Tax                        $__________________________
                                                                                               Bouncer Tax                        $__________________________

Exemptions                                                                             Blowout Maintenance             $___________________________
                                                                                                 Tanning Tax Break             $___________________________
                                                                                                  Cab Fares                        $___________________________

Please calculate the total taxes spent. If this is more than your body weight, please subtract the difference and that is your refund. If it is less than your body weight, please use the following calculation to determine how much you owe.

[Body weight – taxes paid]*[amount you can bench press] = amount owed

Would you like to donate a portion of your refund to the endangered leopard print clothing fund?            Y [ ]   N [ ]  $____________
Would you like to donate a portion of your refund to fund the free Taxis on Tuesdays organization?          Y [ ]   N [ ]  $____________

Please sign that all information is true to your accurate memory.
_________________________________________________ Date (MM/DD/YYYY) _________________________

Please have one additional person, one who witnesses your activities and may reliably vouch for you, review the following:

To my knowledge, this form accurately displays the total drinks received and expenses otherwise required to establish and maintain a guido/guidette lifestyle.   Y [ ]    N [ ]

Signature: _________________________________________ Date (MM/DD/YYYY) __________________________

Sunday, January 22, 2012

A Really Cool Gift Idea

Unionville Vineyards is offering almost a stockholder share in their vineyard - for staggered prices you can buy vines and 'adopt' some of the grapes. Your name will be posted at the site of your vines, you can picnic beside them, and you'll even get a bottle of their plentiful juice when it's made in the fall. Neato mosquito!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Internet is on Strike

This post presents SOPA by displaying images of responses from Google and Wikipedia during the blackout day (today), and The White House's comments [below]:

"We must avoid creating new cybersecurity risks or disrupting the underlying architecture of the Internet...

Let us be clear—online piracy is a real problem that harms the American economy, threatens jobs for significant numbers of middle class workers and hurts some of our nation's most creative and innovative companies and entrepreneurs.  It harms everyone from struggling artists to production crews, and from startup social media companies to large movie studios. While we are strongly committed to the vigorous enforcement of intellectual property rights, existing tools are not strong enough to root out the worst online pirates beyond our borders. That is why the Administration calls on all sides to work together to pass sound legislation this year that provides prosecutors and rights holders new legal tools to combat online piracy originating beyond U.S. borders while staying true to the principles outlined above in this response.  We should never let criminals hide behind a hollow embrace of legitimate American values.

This is not just a matter for legislation. We expect and encourage all private parties, including both content creators and Internet platform providers working together, to adopt voluntary measures and best practices to reduce online piracy."

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Thirsty Brewing Company, Pittsburgh, PA

Thirsty Brewing Company's first beverage: Holy Pale Grail

My brother's first homebrew. The pale ale is being bottled today.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Focus Pocus

Could  really  use a healthy dose of focus today.  Perhaps it'll be up next in the Waffle Snob product line. Happy Friday the 13th, hooligans!  

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Foggy Thursday

It's not often that I can sit back and feel that everything I have wanted to get accomplished - for right now anyway - is done. I feel exhausted but in a really good way; the kind you usually only get after a really satisfying meal with all of the right people. Even my dishes are done and my nails are filed. There is certainly a satisfaction in checking things off of a To-Do list, but on top of that, the feeling of success on other fronts as well.

On the other hand I'm entirely too superstitious for a
full moon on the same week as a
friday the thirteenth which oddly enough is welcomed
by a whole lot of fog
New Jersey.

Good night.

Monday, January 09, 2012

The Express Lane

If you have more than ten items in the express lane you should be charged a $1 penalty fee per item that is then donated to charity. 

And yes I count each one of those individual grapes as an individual item.

Just kidding. Sort of.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

The Duquesne Incline

JLo has been requesting we ride the incline for awhile, so we finally did it over our holiday trip to Pittsburgh. It's been years since I've been on it - honestly, I can't even remember the last time. Too bad it was a gloomy day, but we did hear the crowd cheering for the Steelers from Heinz Field.