Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Beer Monster

It feasts on the beer & wine of bad little girls and boys. So behave yourself.

Shown below in its natural habitat, North American species. It runs on 35 beers per hour.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Lost & Found

Found a whole bunch of soccer badges at the high school track tonight. I was the last one to leave the kingdom of jogging (yeah, okay, walking) so I picked them up with hopes of finding their owner. I have no use for them - let's face it, my friends know I'm not athletic enough to have earned these.

They actually smell pretty bad. Let me know if they're yours. They may not be living rent-free on my table for much longer. I made a craigslist ad.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Hurricane Hairdo

This wind gives me an an all-natural fresh hair blowout, PaulyD Style. I'm stunning. The drop in temperature, though, is really a great break from the heat.

Everything is still closed around here, looks like they'll be evacuating parts of Trenton and New Hope for fear of flooding. Currently in my town there is a Hurricane special - two large pies & a doz. wings for $15. Fab. 

Chocolate Milk Delaware River ~ Closed for Storm

"Get the hell off the beach." Gov. Chris Christie.

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Hurricane Irene Drinking Game

This is in full anticipation of a Hollicane (like a snow day, a hurricane holiday). Best if you drink Hurricane the malt liquor.

1. Game starts NOW.
2. If your mom calls/texts you, drink. And text her back.
3. Every time the news says Hurricane, drink.
4. Every time the news says "state of emergency", drink.
5. Drink if you see a newscaster reporting "live from the scene", but the scene does not have a hurricane in sight (ex, is sunny). You live in a sissy lame state. Drink again for that.
6. Every time the news says evacuate, drink.
7. When it starts raining, chug your drink until it's gone.
8. If you run outside and fistpump in the rain, make someone else drink.
9. Every time the you see a radar view of the hurricane, chug until the view leaves the screen.
10. If the TV mentions the town you live in or are residing in, update your Facebook/Twitter status about something non-hurricane related, and drink again.
11. If a tree lands on your car drink everything you have left and stay inside.
12. If you conquer items 1-9 and you still have power, order chinese delivery. You deserve a reward. Tip well.

It's like snowmageddon around here. And of course - this week's hypothetical situation:
SAT Analogy - Werewolves are to Full Moons as [insert your answer] are to Hurricanes

Wish List

Moustache on a stick? Yes please. [ something's hiding in here - etsy ]

And if you really love me, send some Pittsburgh Popcorn. Ok that's all.
28Aug Update: Thanks so much MM for sending some popcorn. You're the best. Hurricane survival kit.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Cleaning day fun facts

For some reason I have industrial grade hydrochloric acid toilet bowl cleaner. I'm not joking when I say I have to wear lab goggles to clean my porcelain bowl. I kind of run in - hold my breath - scrub scrub scrub - my eyes start tearing up - flush, and quickly run out of the room until the air defogs. It's a little bit scary, probably unhealthy, but I am confident that after my bathroom evacuates for half of an hour minutes it is the most sanitary part of my house. True story.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


Riffraff kids, sitting on the corner drinking sugary soda pops and puffing on Lucky Lights. Get offa my lawn you stinkers!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Tanked & Tanked

Friday night demonstrated the love of being "tanked" that my boyfriend and I each share. Unfortunately the word is a homonym in this case - Tanked, for him, the new salt water aquarium show on Animal Planet, and Tanked, for me, with my love of unique beverages.

The show aired on Friday and included so much drama and fishiness (pun intended) that JLo was in his glory. I have to say it was entertaining. 

Later on in the weekend JLo & I enjoyed a trip to central PA for UM's delayed birthday party. It's been a beer-oriented week - starting off with Liz and I visiting Yard's Brewing in Philadelphia.

Troegs in Harrisburg (finally! finally! on my to-do list for so many years now, I saw it in all of its epic-ness. The soft pretzels are inexpensive and so worth it, brewer-made mustard as well, but the microavable pizza? unsure about that). Just make sure you have reservations for the tour.

Blueberries in Sea Dog's Blueberry Beer (the berries rise and fall like a lava lamp!)

And a few wayward individual bottle selections from the NJ store - Mississippi Mud & Southern Tier Creme Brulee. The Creme Brulee smelled like a dessert - to me, something that I could order in a coffee shop. Mississippi Mud was $3 for a quart, so it was our budget buy. We feared it would be the 'mad dog' of beer, but it turned out fairly decent. JLo explained you "pay for the artwork", I guess because the jug is kind of cool. Anyway - are you on untappd yet??

Thursday, August 18, 2011


The Hypothetical Situations of the Week have made me famous! Famous!

Uppercase magazine asked for submissions of "top ten" lists for their tenth issue. The "top ten" lists could be top ten anything - for example, the ten best words to say aloud. Ten lists of "top ten" were published in the tenth issue (top ten tongue twisters, sheesh), and my list of hypothetical situations are included! I didn't author this alone, though - Alex is the mastermind behind No. 8.

Anyway - go ahead - ask yourself:

10. Money doesn't grow on trees. What instead grows on the magic tree in your backyard? (Go pick a pack from the bacon bush for dinner, Andy!)
9. The Tooth Fairy vs Cupid - who do you bet on in a fight?
8. Would you rather have a stunning lawn/garden and unkept house interior, or an impeccable interior but messy lawn?
7. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock?
6. Would you rather win the $3mil lottery or be guaranteed to live until 90 without any health problems?
5. What's the magic word?
4. Would you rather live in Candyland or the Clue Mansion?
3. The producers are killing off your soap opera character, but letting you write the exit. What is your untimely demise?
2. You find an abandoned stamped, addressed, sealed envelope. Do you mail it?
1. Door No. 1, 2, or 3?                                        

So for those of you who follow along with this blog regularly know that every week I post a hypothetical situation after it is published in the newsletter... Lately I've been bad at that though. So here's a recap on the last three weeks.

Would you rather live in a tree house, a cave, a tipi, or an igloo?
Ben & Jerry's names an ice cream flavor after you. What is it? [Some really good answers here... Pinot Gina... VOM (for the lactose intolerant)... Reynoldstrudel...]
Would you believe?


Monday, August 15, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Jersey Shore (by Nate)

Jersey Shore (as narrated by Nate)

"Hmm, do you want to go to the club?"
[enter fight scene]
"Probably wasn't the best idea."

Next night.
"Do you want to go to the club?"
"YES." And repeat.

I can see how some might find this repetitive, but personally I just can't turn it off.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

ball game of love

Poppy, 1935-2011

So many good memories. I remember being thirteen and asking my grandfather what his favorite store was. "Giant Eagle!" he replied. Of course, the grocery store would be his answer. Food shopping is a gene that runs through the males on my father's side - my grandfather loved grocery shopping, my uncle and father both love grocery shopping. I now tell my two brothers they don't stand a chance fighting that one.

Every Thanksgiving there would be a football brawl between my uncle and my dad (gizzards v. rams, turkey bowl). My grandfather would wear his striped referee shirt and run around blowing the whistle at this and at that. I would sit on the sidelines, in the freezing cold, and wait for the after-picnic to start. Then my siblings and I would hold pretzel rods as if we were smoking cigars like my dad, uncle, and grandfather did.

I remember the ridiculous dance he would always do to Bob Seger's Old Time Rock n Roll. Every time I hear that song I think of him. And macadamia nut cookies - for lunch at my grandparent's house it was always cold-cuts on sandwiches and macadamia nut cookies.

We all had a toast of his favorite drink, chardonnay, to him last night on the beach. He is now riding his tractor, mowing the giant lawn in the sky, cigar in hand.

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Cake Pop (aka Sugar Bombs) Conquer

You want to make cake pops? Don't have enough time to do all the baking and fridging and mixing and fridging and fridging...? Here's the lazy way to make these buggers.

You need ingredients. Find the following:

a) Donut holes
b) Candy Melts (JoAnn Fabrics)
c) Lollipop Sticks (JoAnn Fabrics)
d) Decorations (as desired)

Stick up the donuts with the lollipopper, roll in the melted candy, voila. Very time saving.

Oh, so you think you're Betty Crocker? You can do this from start to finish? Yeah yeah your apron is embroidered with your name on it. I get it. But be warned, cake pops have ruined many a baker. Read below for instructions.

You need: A cake (from a box or not), Icing (can or homemade), Candy Melts (JoAnn Fabrics), Lollipop Sticks (JoAnn Fabrics), anything you plan to use for decorating.

The process itself isn't time consuming, but there's a lot of down time in the interim. I'd start early and plan events in the middle of your day to go around it.

I set my alarm an hour early before work - woke up, made a cake - and just left it naked on my stove to cool completely. You can make a cake from scratch or a box, whatever you'd like to do. The cake flavor does kind of get lost in all of the sugar, so I wouldn't spend too much time on an overly fancy cake, but it's up to you. Once it's out of the oven, let it cool down.

I came back from work 8 hours later to a perfectly room temperature cake. Next, you get a giant mixing bowl and crumble a third of the cake in the bowl. Mix in some of the can of icing. Crumble another 1/3 of the cake, a bit more icing. Finish off the cake and add the rest of the icing too. Mix it up, it'll be pretty even throughout and kind of sticky. Note, if the bottom of your cake is a little extra crispy, don't use that part in the mix. You only want the soft stuff. Fridge it up again. I went and got my oil changed.

Once that mix is all chilly, roll it into balls. You are ball master here (that's what she said!), deciding the size. As big as you want - but beware, if they're top heavy, they may crumble. After rolling, put them back in the fridge. Also note - here's where I made a mistake. I rolled a ton of balls and put them on a big baking sheet. At the next step, by the time I got to the last balls on the tray they were warm and just crumbled as I tried to glaze them. If you put the balls on small plates you can pull out in batches, about 7 balls at a time, that's the best method. Or, if you happen to have some dry ice on you... Store your plate on dry ice to keep the balls cool as you glaze.

Next, melt the candy melts (follow the instructions on the package for melting). Stick the lollipop sticks in the candy melts about 3/4 of an inch and stick it in the pops. Then, roll the pops in the candy melts and decorate as desired. I used a big styrofoam case to display the pops on. Some did get top heavy and collapse - but for the most part, everyone in my office was impressed and enjoyed them.