Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Snooki Monster's A Shore Thing

"Go ahead, call me a fat whore, but for God's sake don't litter!" - page 20

Snooki wrote a book. I read the book.

Scientific depiction BS (Before Snooki, my life was BS) and AS (After Snooki)

Brain Cells and sobriety both decreased exponentially.

Wait, there's 46 chapters? Forty Six? Can I count that high anymore?

It's the American Dream, the story of two girls, head to the shore, tear it apart, and leave just as quickly as they came. To be honest it was simply the tv show Jersey Shore in text. I couldn't put it down. Total it took me maybe two hours to finish. Sometimes I reread phrases, and thought to myself, "That's not a sentence.... That's not a word..." But still, I didn't stop reading it. I just kept drinking more and turning the pages.
"She recognized (and adored) the species- cougar in a zebra-print, strapless dress, Candies mules (totally cool)... Apart from some loose skin and wrinkles, the woman was hot. She must have been scorching in her day." - Page 21
It's a very easy read and if you can hold yourself off long enough to buy it, wait til May and take it to the shore with you in the summer. It'll definitely get you in the beach mood - so much so, in fact, I am jealous of myself circa six months ago. Back then I too was doing tequila shots, getting sand everywhere, and jogging on the boardwalk. Now, I'm curled up in bed and can't even get myself another glass of wine because it's too cold. [That's a complete lie. The bottle of wine is in bed with me. I don't even use glasses anymore.]
"She was only ten, playing with Barbies in her bedroom. But even then, Gia dreamed of a party filled future... Barbie's hot tub. She'd put brunette Barbie in it, naked, with, like, four Ken dolls. They all held little party cups in their plastic hands." - page 171
Would I recommend it? Privately, to people who know I also read "real" books like The Grapes of Wrath, so I can save some face. To other people too? Yeah... ok... I would to them as well. Don't pick it up if you're looking for a manifesto. Take it as it is - summer in NJ. And by the end of it you'll be wishing you were partying along with them.

Can Snooki be the official name of a hurricane yet? Wah!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

She named a character "Gia"? Please tell me its Gia Giavanni or something obscenely Italian. Did you read it in a Jersey accent?