Saturday, February 26, 2011

And here i'd thought you'd bought it for the style

The obvious: When a minivan has a "baby on board" sticker. Isn't that their purpose?

Any-weighs, hypo-thetuh-cals
If you want to do this as a mad-lib, go for it, but you don't have to. Think of a location/place.

You click your heels three times. "There's no place like ______."

Thursday, February 24, 2011


It's day two of quitting soda cold turkey. I'm losing it.

With an infinite perimeter, contender 1 is the pie chart.

I'd love another but you can get a DUI on a bike.
In the opposite corner
The Bar

And if it gets crazy we'll toss scatter in
Also could define the relationship of weather and frizziness of my hair
No correlation

Vegas odds & conclusion to come.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Bad Day Repair Co.

8am - arrive at work, step in goose droppings
815am - realize jacket is covered in unidentified sticky substance
9am - realize lunch is on the kitchen counter
901am - realize wallet is also on kitchen counter, so lunch is unattainable
915am - hairtye is with wallet on the kitchen table. Flyway frizzy frenzy

Amidst being the self-appointed captain of team bitch & moan, my misery came to a clear solution. I'd invent a company called the Bad Day Repair Co.

Something spilled on your jacket? No problem, we'll come to you, take your coat, and bring it back spotless by the end of the day. Lunch is gone? We'll swing by with a coupon for a hoagie, $10 cash, and probably some flowers too (or a donut arrangement if you're a dude). As Dr. Monica added, running around giving you awkward armpits? No worries, we'll drop of a fresh clean shirt that is even more flattering than the one you have on. Then we'll school you on how you never put on your going-out T-shirt until it's T-shirt time. Don't you watch Jersey Shore?

Anyway hypothetical situation:

There is a button. Do you press the button?
(note, not necessarily this button)

Monday, February 21, 2011

Once Upon A Time....

...there was a website known as East of the Web, Short Stories Uncut. To me it was an internet coffee shop, welcoming on the inside, where everyone knew everyone. It was set in an otherwise busy and bustling city, where most people passed by, too busy to take a look inside. Occasionally we'd get a newcomer, or someone who stole the tip jar, or a mischievous local under the guise of a joker who bought everyone a round of espresso.

Now all that is left is a tired sign that does not do its history justice.

I often wonder what became of everyone. Google is no help at all.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

"Harry was used to getting onto platform nine and three-quarters by now. It was a simple of matter of walking straight through the apparently solid barrier dividing platforms nine and ten... The Hogwarts Express, a gleaming scarlet steam engine, was already there, clouds of steam billowing from it." 
Book 4 p163
Throughout the entire park, the Harry Potter theme song is played. All employees are dressed with the theme; in robes, etc.

"Hogsmeade looked like a Christmas card; the little thatched cottages and shops were all covered in a layer of crisp snow; there were holly weaths on the doors and strings of enchanted candles hanging in the trees." Book 3 p200
When we arrived it was still in the 50-degrees, only adding to the chilly mood.

"Tell you what," said Ron, his teeth chattering, "shall we go for a butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks?" book 3 p200
We ate lunch at the Three Broomsticks, along with what seemed like everyone else in the park. It was worth it though, the food was good (and huge portions) and the atmosphere was really well done. Talking to the hostess, you can't make reservations. Peak times are 11-2pm, but there is a lull between 2pm-5pm where the crowd is minimal.

"Ron came back five minutes later, carrying three foaming tankards of hot butterbeer... Harry drank deeply. It was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted and seemed to heat every bit of him from the inside." Book 3 p201 
Jonaid drank three of these. They were very sweet and you have the option of having one cold or frozen; I was surprised because I always thought it was a warm treat. It's like butterscotch and cream soda.

"Perched atop a high mountain on the other side, its windows sparkling in the starry sky, was a vast castle with many turrets and towers." Book 1 p111
To give you a bit of depth perception on the size, Jonaid (white sweater on right) is six feet tall.

"There were a hundred and forty-two staircases at Hogwarts: wide, sweeping ones; narrow, rickety ones; some that led somewhere different on a Friday; some with a vanishing step halfway up that you had to remember to jump. Then there were doors that wouldn't open unless you asked politely, or tickled them in exactly the right place, and doors that weren't really doors at all but solid walls just pretending." Book 1 p132
Walking through the maze of Hogwarts is really cool. There are a ton of rooms, hallways, doors, passageways... Of course it's all restricted because it leads up to a ride. Jonaid and I were able to ride it 2x in 20 minutes! Hooray for visiting during the off season.

"They walked across the vegetable patch toward the greenhouses... took their places around one of the gnarled Snargaluff stumps that formed this term's project, and began pulling on their protective gloves." Book 6 Chp 14
Herbology- outside of this was a door to Potions Class, and a cart with a witch selling Bud Light (woohoo!).

"Excellent flying yesterday, really excellent. Gryffindor has just taken the lead for the House Cup- you earned fifty points!" Book 2 p183
These were a little disappointing; they looked more tacky than what I imagined for house points. 

"Harry saw great winged creatures soaring around the heads of Voldemort's giants, thestrals and Buckbeak the hippogriff scratching at their eyes." Book 7 p733-734
Although Glorianne told me this was supposed to be the Phoenix in Dumbledore's office (an arguable venture), I went with the Hippogriff theory.

"All around the walls, the headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts were giving him a standing ovation; they waved their hats and in some cases their wigs, they reached through their frames to grip each other's hands; they danced up and down on the chairs in which they had been painted." Book 7 p747
The pictures had the funniest conversations with one another. And yes, their mouths moved. It was like an LCD-TV was underneath them, but they texture looked like actual canvas. I'm not sure how it was done but it was very cool.

"He had been in Dumbledore's office once before; it was a very beautiful, circular room, lined with pictures of previous headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts, all of whom were fast asleep, their chests rising and falling gently." Book 4 p581
There are a ton of details, photos, books, and objects in Dumbledore's office... Brush up on your Harry Potter before you go to catch all of the details. 

"This? It's called a Pensieve... One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure." Book 4 p597
I think this is supposed to be a Pensieve, anyway...

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty/But don't judge on what you see/I'll eat myself if you can find/A smarter hat than me" Book 1 p117
The hat does talk but unfortunately does not assign you a house. Jonaid bought a Slytherin scarf later on in the day. Then he looked at me, snobbily, and deemed me a Hufflepuff. (I got solid Gryffindors on all of the online quizzes, thankyouverymuch.)

"The Monster Book of Monsters... The book snapped shut on his hand and then flapped past him, still scuttling on its covers... [Harry] pulled out a belt, which he buckled tightly around it." Book 3 p13
This thing did shake and growl.

"It was not at all like the Three Broomsticks, whose large bar gave an impression of gleaming warmth and cleanliness. The Hog's Head bar comprised one small, dingy, and very dirty room that smelled strongly of something that might have been goats. The bay windows were so encrusted with grime that very little daylight could permeate the room, which was lit instead with the stubs of candles sitting on rough wooden tables. The floor seemed at first glance to be earthy, though as Harry stepped onto it he realized that there was stone beneath what seemed to be the accumulated filth of centuries." Book 5 p336
The Hog's Head bar even has a special beer made only for Harry Potter world. Slightly hoppy and $6.50 a pop, it's worth the taste. I enjoyed it. It was actually a very pleasant joint with a nice outside seating area. Next they'll have to make a Leaky Cauldron for a Diagon Alley addition.

"MUDBLOODS and the dangers they pose to a peaceful pure-blood society." Book 7 p249
I think any fan of Harry Potter wishes that one day they'd wake up and find the letter inviting them to Hogwarts in their fireplace. Maybe that should be Universal Studios next advertising campaign? 

All in all, a great trip. This is barely a fraction of the pictures I took; I have a ton more of the stores, events, a Beauxbaton dance, so much more. A lot of pictures in the castle didn't come out because it's so dimly lit. The park was very detailed and very well done- as always there could have been a ton more. Maybe they'll add an ATM machine and call it Gringott's. Still, glad I was able to go. - Carinne, Daily Prophet

All quotes are from J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. 

Friday, February 11, 2011

Double dose of hypotheticals

This Week's (brought to you by J-Lo): What Disney Prince/Princess/Character would you like to go on a date with? 
Personally, I picked Gaston. Roughly the size of a barge? Swap that egg swallowing with jagerbombs? And voila- he'd fit in just fiiine in Jersey. It's the Disney version of a frat guy.

Last week's: If you were to be part of a pro-football team, what would your number be? And what would your role be (cheerleader, quarterback, manager, etc)? 

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Snooki Monster's A Shore Thing

"Go ahead, call me a fat whore, but for God's sake don't litter!" - page 20

Snooki wrote a book. I read the book.

Scientific depiction BS (Before Snooki, my life was BS) and AS (After Snooki)

Brain Cells and sobriety both decreased exponentially.

Wait, there's 46 chapters? Forty Six? Can I count that high anymore?

It's the American Dream, the story of two girls, head to the shore, tear it apart, and leave just as quickly as they came. To be honest it was simply the tv show Jersey Shore in text. I couldn't put it down. Total it took me maybe two hours to finish. Sometimes I reread phrases, and thought to myself, "That's not a sentence.... That's not a word..." But still, I didn't stop reading it. I just kept drinking more and turning the pages.
"She recognized (and adored) the species- cougar in a zebra-print, strapless dress, Candies mules (totally cool)... Apart from some loose skin and wrinkles, the woman was hot. She must have been scorching in her day." - Page 21
It's a very easy read and if you can hold yourself off long enough to buy it, wait til May and take it to the shore with you in the summer. It'll definitely get you in the beach mood - so much so, in fact, I am jealous of myself circa six months ago. Back then I too was doing tequila shots, getting sand everywhere, and jogging on the boardwalk. Now, I'm curled up in bed and can't even get myself another glass of wine because it's too cold. [That's a complete lie. The bottle of wine is in bed with me. I don't even use glasses anymore.]
"She was only ten, playing with Barbies in her bedroom. But even then, Gia dreamed of a party filled future... Barbie's hot tub. She'd put brunette Barbie in it, naked, with, like, four Ken dolls. They all held little party cups in their plastic hands." - page 171
Would I recommend it? Privately, to people who know I also read "real" books like The Grapes of Wrath, so I can save some face. To other people too? Yeah... ok... I would to them as well. Don't pick it up if you're looking for a manifesto. Take it as it is - summer in NJ. And by the end of it you'll be wishing you were partying along with them.

Can Snooki be the official name of a hurricane yet? Wah!