This calls for an awkward moustache. See Fig. 1, an awkward moustache from the creator herself - the Awkward Moustache Aficionado.
But let's face it. Sometimes the situation exceeds the awkward moustache. The Awkward Committee is now proud to introduce the full awkward facial hair line! Complete with eyebrows, stache, and beard!
While the set comes complete, you can use it in partial increments such as the popular pirate brow:
Or the sneak attack on unsuspecting friends:
Inanimate objects and statues are not excluded.
Surgeon Stache's Warning: Those who use these products may experience bizarre side effects such as decorative toothpicks that defy gravity.