Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The Chloe Dating Show.

Are you looking for a girl who is charming, a non-bullshit major, hardworking, junk-food loving, dances at Sheetz with confidence while waiting for schmuffins, and has great taste in music? You may have thought all these ideals are impossible to find in one person, but trust me, we've got answers to your request.

Let's back up for a minute. We've all had bad relationships, bad hookups, and bad love experiences in general. Even if you're in the "dating since high school, gonna get married" situation, you've still had some kind of playground romance that you could kick yourself for. If you're currently in the singles dating scene you probably know all too well how easy it is to make a bad decision; the kind where you wake up one morning (or the next morning, in many cases), and simply exclaim, "What was I thinking?" Sometimes relationships are the kind of thing you'll remember fondly; more often it's the kind of thing you'd like brainwashed. Regardless, it's an experience of life anyway.

For one such veteran of the singles field, enough of the crap is enough. The same Chloe that you may remember from The Chloe Story has gotten tired of creepy dates, mamma's boys, people who smell (she doesn't actually date people who smell), and bad internet dating services. She's an amazing person with a great taste in music, loves to have a good time, and has all of the aforementioned qualities that any guy would love. So why is she ending up with so many bad dates?

The Chloe having fun at a party; the Chloe doing something weird with her tongue; and the Chloe at a football game (yes guys, she'll go with you to sports!)

Fortunately for Chloe, co-authors Liz and Carinne have come up with the solution for her with the new dating application that can be used for any girl who needs a dating application process. The Chloe Dating Application is the new requirement for any person requesting a date with a Ms. Chloe. Please fill out the forms in its entirety and reply with a picture attachment to TheChloeDatingShow@yahoo.com (it's legit! it's free! Give it a go just for fun!) The great part about this application is that it is not person specific! Our general questions can help any girl (or guy) find the person they are looking for.

Chloe Dating Application

Name:______________________ Date:______________

Occupation:________________________ Annual Income:___________________

Address:________________________________ State:__________ Zip:_________

Height:_________ Eye Color:____________ Hair Color:___________

Date of last break-up:________ Are you over her? Yes/No Are you on facebook?____

Do you have a car? Yes/No Make/Model:_________________ License Plate:________

Religious Affiliation:________________ Rate commitment level to religion (1-10)____

How many speeding tickets have you had in the last year?

How often do you like to hook up?

Have you ever cheated? Have you ever been cheated on? If yes, give details

What is most expensive gift you’ve ever given?

What is your longest relationship?

Describe your political views:

Favorite class in high school and why:

What is your major? Future plans after graduation?

Do you like Seinfeld? What’s your favorite episode?

Have you ever been in love?

What’s the perfect date?

If you found a $100 bill and saw someone walk away, would you run up to them and give it back? What would you spend it on?

Would you ever make a scrapbook for a girl?

When do you take a girl home to meet your parents?

When do you take a girl home for extracurricular activities?

Have you had sex? If yes, please name partners and date of last STD test.

What is the plural of grilled cheese?

What is your favorite television show?

How is your relationship with your mother?

Have you ever been with a man?

Can you dance?

Are you willing to accept your flaws in dancing and sexual skills? Are you willing to be trained?

What bands do you listen to?

Do you have any tattoos? Piercings?

Any emotional/psychological problems?

Would you be willing to be examined by a psychiatrist?

Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs?

Thank-you for your time; each response is catered to individually and will be replied to as examination deems necessary.