Friday, February 22, 2008

So one lonesome, cold, October evening, Elizabeth, Glorianne, and myself are sitting in my cozy room, not doing much of anything except talking about why we'd like to be drinking and who is the hottest [physically] candidate for the presidential election.

Liz broke up the monotonous Huckabee vs Obama drama with, "Let's go to a place that starts with a shhh and ends with an eetz."

Glorianne laughed, while I, being sensible, ignored them both and explained I'm becoming a poet.

After Liz and I finished going through cutthroat deliberations as to who was the poet, we decided to work together in writing. With much debate, we wrote our own poem, line by line, alternating who was the creative mastermind behind the phrase.

This is the poem by three lovely ladies.

Life is like a flower.
Chloe thinks she's the favorite.
That idea felt like the color black.
Life was going on Route 66 with Chloe.
The flower felt like red.
I started drinking at the bar where I met Vinnie, the guy on the pay phone.
So I was like, "Bust a cap in yo' ass!"
Because we were drunk and had on beer goggles, with tight pants.
And she's by the stairway to Heaven.
The smoky blanket of drunkenness fills Chloe's head. Yeah.
She had as much judgment as a Mexican Flag.
Vinnie and Chloe walked to the moon.
The Gentlemen's Club took the first step for womankind.
It would not be surprising for her not to finish her work tomorrow.
The bogus fly on the wall said, "To be a rock and not to roll."
It's okay, there's brownies in the freezer,
There's milk in the Fridge,
So Vinnie can come home with me.
Cest la vie!
The beer whispered, "I'm a slave for you."
Or was that the karaoke machine?
Does it matter?
Driving down the open road to nowhere in particular.


Done.


It's a masterpiece, and anyone who doesn't think so is a jerk. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


After some thought, and a rather disappointing Friday evening, perhaps the blog is back. We shall see what the future holds.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Reserved for Couches

Okay so this was too good... This was just too good.

Dan and I went over to The Pub for lunch today, to eat with Emily, Liz, and Allie. Lunch was good, although a little slow and we were all a little tired. That's not the exciting part though.

Dan and I were walking back, and right there on Route 30 in town, was a parallel parked couch.







Really, we couldn't even believe it.

Yesterday we also saw the Bimbo truck again. Ahh, the bimbo truck, good times.

That's all for now. Orioles game tonight!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Grass Woes


My neighbor is all flustered about this mini-drought we're having at home. He's all worked up about his lawn, and the brown-death tone it has.

So last week, he decided to take a sample of it and take it down to the local Lawn Services shop. At his request they did a full analysis of the sample and explained to him that the color and texture was due to lack of water. They then explained to him exactly how to water his lawn to get maximum results.

He came over the next day, and told all of this to my Mum.

"It's grass, Howard," my Mum explained. "Of course it will grow back. It does this all the time. It happens every year."

He is still all flustered about it.

"The lack of water is what is doing it," my Dad told him later. "Don't worry about it, it happens every year."

He's worrying about it. He's been watering like crazy.

Who does that? Who takees grass samples??!

Anyway, in full-force band camp until Tuesday.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Hop Skip and Go Naked (HSAGN), for those of you who don't know, is a flavorful alcoholic drink that easily gets you drunk. I was suprised as to how many of my friends have never had it. It's fairly frequent at Gettysburg. I'm a big fan.

I had a lot of Pabst to get rid of due to the fact that it's $6 for a 24 pack. HSAGN's signature trait is its ability to get rid of crappy alcohol, and Pabst definitely fits the bill (you can read more about Pabst molecules and the reason for its nastiness due to it reacting with ambient urine molicules here or in this post). Due to high requests, here's the stats on how to make it.

You can look up the recipe on Drinks Mixer, but here's my personal version.

1 can of frozen limeade
2+ shots of Vodka
Sprite
Shitty Beer (good beer does not improve the quality of HSAGN. It actually makes it worse)


Dump the limeade in a pitcher, and two cans of shitty beer. Add at least 2 shots of Vodka (but I usually use green apple vodka and about five shots) and 1/2 to 1 cup of sprite (depending on how sweet you like it). Stir and drink.

It's good.


Girls from home, us then






Us now








Always have had entirely too much fun.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Thursday.

As I was peruzzing the many musical talents Best Buy offers, I came across the Corinne Bailey Rae CD. Purely for the fact that she has the closest spelling to my name that I've seen yet, I decided to buy the CD.

The album's good. She's soulful and relaxing. It was perfect for the drinking on the deck and for the cool evenings that took place this weekend.

Saturday.

Mark: So you'll be old this year.
Me: Yea, 21 in less than three months!!
Mark: Pretty soon it'll be hard for you to get up.
Me: I'll take an aspirin.
Mark: Or three.
Me: And wash it down with a beer.
Mark: Or three.


Sunday.

Me: (to Mum) This is classic, that it's 1:30 in the afternoon, that you're in your pajamas, and that you're drinking a beer.
Mum: I busted my ass this morning doing stuff around the house!
Cam: You busted your ass? Do you need a cast?
Nate: Do you need medical attention? This could be serious.
[Reference to the time that it was 11:30 in the morning and she announces, "Ron, I need a Bloody Mary." This alcohol thing, it runs in my blood. It's genetic.]

Ice cream man rolls up. Alex, Cam, and Nate go and get ice cream.

Mum: You guys don't remember the time that I was drinking a beer and took you and your sister to go get an ice cream from the truck. The ice-cream man looked at the beer, and said, 'I'll trade ya,' and I said, 'OK,' and I went and got him one. So he put the beer in the freezer and I got my ice cream for free.

Sometimes I think she makes stuff up.

Friday, August 11, 2006


Things that make for a great Friday:


- I got 10 hours of sleep last night

- I woke up this morning and someone had "Bought It Now" on the thing I was
selling on e-bay for my Dad

- I left my car windows open last night and it didn't rain

- We had grapes so I could eat them for breakfast! I love grapes.

- I won Mark's contest (although I completely didn't deserve it)

- Simply the fact that it's Friday.


Yesterday Alex and I went shopping at the mall. Coach bags were on sale at Macy's, which never happens, but they were, and it was amazing. We hit up Best Buy, and Wayne's World was on sale so we bought that. I love Wayne's World. How can you not like Wayne's World? Hilarious.

Then we went into Ulta. I've been to Ulta in a few other locations but they just opened one up at the North Hills Village Mall. What a great store. If you've never been there, I highly reccomend you go. So much cheaper than drugstores, and they have everything.

Okay, I didn't have anything useful to say. It was a pretty lame, 12-year-old-girl-esque post. Overall though, it's been a good 24 hours. Back to work - happy weekend!!!


Seinfeld quote of the day, a classic. From Seinfeld Scripts. Sometimes, I could just sit around and read those all day.

This is from episode 138, on 10/10/96 (almost ten years ago, can you believe it?), titled The Little Kicks.


Jerry and Kramer walking down the street. Jerry is closest to the
street.

Kramer: I wouldn't walk over there.

Jerry: Why not?

Kramer: It's the most dangerous part of the sidewalk. Cab hops a curb, wap! You've had your last egg sandwich.

Jerry: What about over there? You know air conditioners fall out all the time.

Kramer: I'd much rather get hit by an 80 pound air conditioner than a two ton cab.

Jerry: No, cab's comin' in right here (Hand at waist) Set of plastic hips, prosthetic legs, and a monkey to answer the door, I'm back in business.

[later]
Man: How 'bout leading us in a toast?

Elaine: Oh sure. Hey guys, I wanna make a toast. Um... Here's to us who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell... All right, who's dancin'? C'mon, who's dancin'? You want me to get it started? I'll get it started. Whew!
(She dances)

[later]
Jerry: So I didn't miss anything?

George: Well, actually you did miss one nugget of entertainment. (Pause) Have you ever seen Elaine dance?

Jerry: Elaine danced?

George: It was more like a full bodied dry heave set to music.

Jerry: Did she do the little kicks and the thumbs?

George: What, you mean you know about this?

Jerry: For some time. It was about five years ago. I never knew what to say to her about it. It was one of those problems I hoped would just go away.

George: Well, sometimes you can't help these people 'til they hit rock bottom.

Jerry: And by then you've lost interest.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Okay so if anyone knows where I lost my Dad's keys at, it would be greatly appreciated if you could just let me know. There's a reward going for them. I promise it's good.

Other than that it's been an uneventful weekend.

There is one peice of news I would like to share with the world. Former vice-president candidate John Edwards was in Pittsburgh last week with his continuing war against Wal-Mart. I quote from the article and from Mr. Edwards,

"We want every single consumer in America, every person in America, to know that if they walk into a Wal-Mart, that first of all their tax dollars are subsidizing Wal-Mart employees. Their tax dollars are helping provide health care for Wal-Mart employees, because Wal-Mart's not doing it. Their tax dollars are going to provide housing and food stamps for Wal-Mart employees... What is wrong with this picture?"


So that's just something to think about. At least someone is trying to publicly stop the tyranny and to inform the public. Hopefully this campaign will help. Germany got the best of Wal-Mart, as I read in Business Week:

Germany provided an expensive lesson in how not to enter a market. Wal-Mart underestimated German labor unions and local competitors such as Aldi. On July 28, Wal-Mart announced it will sell its 85 German stores to Dusseldorf based Metro.



No more Wal-Mart in Germany! Let's see if I can go the whole semester without going into a Wal-mart. I'm going to try. It will be hard - because it's the only store in town. But I'm going to try.

Happy weekend!